


The Lying Game

by FishyFish_R



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, Mind Games, Romance, Shounen-ai
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-04-09
Packaged: 2018-05-22 23:13:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 36,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6097129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FishyFish_R/pseuds/FishyFish_R
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All the time that Mikado spent looking for out of the ordinary, and he nearly missed it under his nose. However, when you associate with Aoba Kuronuma long enough, the out of the ordinary label of a 'sociopath' seems accurate to describe him. And that's oddly thrilling—to Mikado, at least. [Mikado X Aoba]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I make no profit from this fic and I dedicate it to all Mikaoba and Aomika fans.  
> Beta readers: ThatOneGirlwiththeM, Cheshire XIII (up till ch.11), Norway517 (since ch.15)

 

  **MONDAY**

"Mikado-senpai…" Aoba mumbled, purposefully looking like a naïve fool. "How could you call me a sociopath? I'm a decent guy!"

They were at Mikado's apartment, where Aoba often visited to discuss their Dollars' activities in private. Mikado didn't mind, even though he suspected that Aoba visited to spy for his admin account's password for the Dollars site, hoping to steal it, kick Mikado out of Dollars and pretend to be the founder himself. Someone else would feel hurt or used, but for Mikado it was entertaining to have Aoba at his home. His two-faced behavior was so different from everybody else's, and it amused him.

"Let's read a bit." Mikado said with a book in his hands. "It's written here that sociopaths are characterized by: hypocrisy that leads to pathological lying…"

"Mikado-senpai, have I ever lied non-stop?"

"…manipulating other people for the sake of one's own goals…"

"Everybody cares for their goals, Mikado-senpai. Why am I being picked on?"

"…superficial charm…"

"Superficial? I'm wounded."

"…inability to form bonds of attachment to other people… Eh, what's wrong, Aoba-kun?"

"I am NOT Orihara." Aoba said with quiet resentment, but internally laughed at his own theatrics. "Stop confusing me with that bastard…"

He buried his face in his hands, pretending to feel frustrated with Mikado's opinions and hoping to elicit a sense of guilt from him. Sure enough, Mikado felt guilty instantaneously, but focused and pulled himself together. No way, he thought, he won't be tricked by these transparent manipulation attempts.

"Aoba-kun, it's not like I'm judging you." He smiled peacefully and put his hand on Aoba's shoulder. "On the contrary, this makes you all the more… interesting to me."

Mikado's face lit up with an abnormal smile he had no conscious idea about.

For a few moments Aoba felt confused. Then it dawned on him. Mikado was crazy for everything unusual and extraordinary. What Aoba could never imagine in his wildest dreams was that he himself would make it on the list of the extraordinary and would become an object of Mikado's fixation! That's convenient, he thought, that gives me more ways of manipulating him. With great effort Aoba suppressed a content smile.

 

* * *

  

**TUESDAY**

Next day, after classes, they were at Mikado's again. Aoba forced his homework on Mikado and while the latter was busy doing it, he was happily rummaging inside of his kitchen trashcan. Aoba believed that the "examination of left-overs" was an under appreciated spy trick. He always managed to learn a lot about people from things they threw away. In this particular case, Aoba already knew that Mikado was in possession of gay magazines; he found one in a recycling bin near his apartment not so long ago. Aoba enjoyed the feeling of secretly knowing something so intimate about his senpai.

"Aoba-kun!" Mikado called from the room all of a sudden. "Come over here…"

Mikado was worried that Aoba was spending so much time at his kitchen, unwatched. What was he even doing there alone? Poisoning food in the fridge? Sneaking hidden cameras and "bugs" between the floorboards? When Aoba's footsteps reached Mikado's hearing, his heart rate picked up. It was so thrilling to have no idea what he was up to, as if he had a wild, unpredictable animal walking around his home.

"What's the deal, Mikado-senpai?" Aoba asked innocently, holding a teacup that he snatched as quickly as possible from the kitchen. "I'm hungry, and was looking for anything to eat, but you've got… nothing today. I helped myself to some tea."

Yeah, right, of course, Mikado thought. But he smiled without giving away these thoughts and ushered Aoba closer. As a matter of fact, about a week ago Mikado discovered that Aoba liked to rummage in his garbage from time to time, and had a brilliant idea to place a gay magazine into the recycling bin. This way he could safely hint that he was gay without being open about it. Aoba bought it. He didn't suspect at all that he was being fed that information as part of a plan. Mikado, on another hand, knew that Aoba would find it hard to resist using such an ace up his sleeve. He wondered if Aoba would actually go far enough as to create "feelings" in Mikado to use them shamelessly for his goals later. Not that Mikado actually had feelings for him, of course. Of course! But he certainly could acknowledge that had a wish to get as close as possible to the object of his interest.

Aoba sat down beside him with a teacup, smiling cutely: sainthood incarnated, a model school student and a nice boy. Mikado nearly forgot to breathe seeing that fake disguise right in front of him. So dirty, hypocritical, mean, and yet, so thrilling!

"Done." Mikado said, nodding in the direction of Aoba's homework. "Aoba-kun, maybe I should teach you? You'll fail to enter a university in future if I keep doing everything instead of you."

"But I don't need to enter a university. I just want to help people, Mikado-senpai, I will become a simple social worker. I'll dedicate myself to tending to the sick and the elderly. Education and money mean nothing to me."

He must be having so much fun lying, Mikado thought. But I'll go nuts from this one day! Yet there was something amazing about knowing that you're being lied to like this, with both of you 100% aware that you're seeing through the lie anyway. After all, Mikado already knew Aoba's second ruthless persona, as well. The way they talked, with Aoba still using his innocent persona outside of Blue Squares, even at his home, made Mikado feel like he was fooling around all the time. But on top of that, if he had to be honest to himself, he would admit that he felt frustrated. As much as it was all in good fun, Aoba's true personality was carefully hidden. The way they interacted outside of Blue Squares, like this, he knew it was futile to ask him anything seriously, he would inevitably end up getting a reply from his cheerful persona anyway. The only sensible way to interact was to fool around, as well, playing along. Mikado thought of Saitama's biker gang members who ended up at the hospital thanks to the antics of the real Aoba. "Tend to the sick and the elderly"…

"You're so kind, Aoba-kun." Mikado said with a note of admiration that was reserved for this imaginary, non-Blue Square version of Aoba. "Sorry that I've been reading about sociopaths yesterday. I was teasing you, it's not like I really think you are one."

Indeed, this version of Aoba was certainly not a sociopath. Mikado wasn't lying about it, as far as he was concerned.

"Apology accepted". Aoba nodded and waved his hand dismissively.

Some tea splurted out of his teacup right onto Mikado. Fortunately, it was cold and oddly transparent for tea. Mikado grinned. Surely enough, Aoba wasn't making tea at his kitchen, he just poured some cold water quickly into the cup to create an excuse. And not a soul would ever know what he was really doing in his kitchen.

Meanwhile, Aoba was showing surprise and shock on his face. It looked like the tea accident was a real accident.

"Mikado-senpai, now you'll catch a cold and it's my fault! Get something else to wearwhile I shut the window."

Mikado followed the sensible advice, even though he kept suspecting it to be some devious plan. But maybe he was mistaken this time. You can't be a total paranoid, Mikado said to himself.

While closing the window, Aoba managed to drop a flash-drive that he prepared beforehand from his pocket onto the floor. Then he said that he needed to relieve himself and left.

Mikado snatched a flash-drive and inserted it into his laptop's USB port quickly. While Aoba was busy with his call to nature, he couldn't help but do all it took to discover what kind of things he was carrying around on his flash-drive. Mikado was, after all, starved for information about the real Aoba.

There were lots of small videos on the flash-drive. Puzzled, Mikado clicked on one of those and his face promptly reddened with the most furious blush. It was porn. Gay porn. No, that simply cannot be happening on its own! Thinking of how convenient it would be for two friends to turn out to be closet gays, Mikado drew a conclusion that the flash-drive got "lost" on purpose. Mikado didn't really care whether Aoba was really a gay or not, but surprisingly he found that he liked the idea of him planning to seduce him. By dropping this flash-drive, Aoba was obviously giving him a subtle hint beforehand, to avoid creating too much shock later, so that it wouldn't interfere with Mikado's reactions. It was oddly exciting. Mikado almost started to anticipate the future when…

At the sound of very loud footsteps, he pulled the flash-drive out and threw it back on the floor, the exact same spot it had initially dropped to.

Aoba entered the room, stretching himself in a relaxed manner.

"Aoba-kun, is that your flash-drive by any chance?" Mikado pointed at the floor. "I noticed it just now."

Commanding his face to show surprise and relief, Aoba picked up the flash-drive and thanked his senpai for locating it. He knew that Mikado was aware of its contents, because in all honestly he wasn't relieving himself all this time at all. He was standing behind the corner of the room and eavesdropping on everything that Mikado was doing alone.

"Mikado-senpai?" He asked, picturing a tad of anxiety. "Did you by any chance see what's on the flash-drive?"

"No, no." Mikado assured him. "I don't usually go through people's stuff without a good reason, you know."

"Sorry, Mikado-senpai. Of course you don't."

Both smiled their best smiles at each other, and each of them knew that the other wasn't quite telling a true story.

That's how their complicated relationship used to be. Full of mutual lies and manipulation, the kind the keeps you on your toes. But Mikado didn't wish for anything else at the time. He decided long ago that ordinary normal relationships were utterly boring.


	2. Chapter 2

**WEDNESDAY**

Mikado felt slightly disappointed that nothing of note happened yesterday, but he understood that nothing could happen so fast. Aoba had to devise a strategy of charming him first, if he really wanted to use his 'feelings' later. And that was a big 'if'. Because… maybe he didn't want to? Mikado had to hope. He was frustrated with waiting, so he spent the whole evening trying to come up with a way to hurry his sociopathic friend up. And finally he did come up with a way.

"Anri, to be honest, I'm in trouble with Aoba-kun." He said to Anri during a break. "Something happened. He'll be talking to me in the back of the school today and that's not what I need right now. I want to lose him; could you please interrupt us at 1 o'clock?"

Anri nodded without asking for details. She was worried that Mikado was in "trouble" with Kuronuma. But she was a nice and modest girl, so she believed that she had no right to stick her nose into other people's affairs, unless Mikado decided to offer an explanation himself. After all, she has her own secrets.

That was exactly what Mikado counted on. 

* * *

  The lesson was incredibly slow and long. Aoba was bored, he kept dreaming of how he would own Izaya Orihara and his brother and wipe the floor with them. Literally, if possible. Tactical plans of the great dark lord were interrupted by an SMS sound. Without delay, Aoba pulled a smartphone out of his pocket and stared at Mikado's message:

"Aoba-kun, let's have a serious talk. Behind school, a quarter before 1 o'clock? It's important".

For a couple of seconds Aoba tried to figure him out. "A serious talk". Could it be that Mikado had pangs of conscience about his yesterday lies and decided to admit to Aoba that he saw his gay porn? No, Mikado was too shy for such topics. He'd die on the spot if he had to talk about it. So what's the deal? Has something about the Dollars come up?

A quarter to 1 o'clock, Mikado anxiously walked around in the back of the school. He knew that he was far from a brilliant actor. But he realized that paradoxically, that would only help him make Aoba believe everything he'd do. Mikado always felt a bit ashamed when telling lies, but Aoba is likely to interpret his embarrassment at lying as embarrassment about the topic. 

* * *

 "Here I am!" Aoba waved. "What's all this 'serious talk' about, senpai?"

"Eh…" Mikado mumbled, staring at the ground intently. "You're my best friend and I wanted to tell you something. Please support me."

That was not what Aoba expected. He tilted his head in silence, waiting for Mikado to continue.

"You see, you see…" Mikado said frantically. "I decided to confess to Anri! Today, when we'll be walking home together, I'll ask her to a café and confess. Wish me luck? I'll need it for sure."

Aoba's face displayed consternation and shock, but he recovered fast.

"Mikado-senpai, why now?" He asked with distaste.

He had a reason to dislike it: he was currently engaged in the planning stage of creating a whole new way to manipulate and influence Mikado, but the boy was already slipping through his fingers. If he starts a real romance with Anri, Aoba would have to forget all his plans.

"I thought about it for a long time." Mikado said. "And to be honest, I feel lonely. Half of boys in our class have a significant other."

"Envious?" Aoba blinked, puzzled. "You want to confess to a girl just because you envy other boys?"

"Don't put it like this, you make it sound bad…"

Aoba felt furious. He had to do something, and fast, otherwise everything will be ended without even having begun.

Making a step towards Mikado, he approached him so closely that only a handful of centimeters were separating their bodies now.

"No." He said. "Forget her."

Mikado finally stopped contemplating the ground and lifted his eyes at him.

"What's a 'no' supposed to mean, Aoba-kun?" He said, almost not having to feign surprise. "I'm not asking for your permission, I wanted you to support me as a friend…"

"And I said no. Your idea is awful." Aoba placed his hands on Mikado's shoulders. "Anri is an ordinary girl. I know you well, you need someone unusual, someone who is not like everybody else, to keep your life eventful…"

Mikado stared at Aoba in embarrassment. Their bodies were too close. Just a little closer and… Mikado suppressed a sudden inappropriate desire to remove distance between their faces. He had to look like a clueless object of manipulation, after all.

Aoba wasn't in hurry to interrupt silence. To an eye of any observer, it would be a strange picture. Two guys, way too close, one has his arms on another's shoulders. They stare each other in the eye and keep silence.

"Mikado, you can be a slow thinker sometimes." Aoba finally said. "Are you aware of that?"

He omitted 'senpai', which gave the sentence an overly familiar sound. Or an intimate one, depending on how you want to look at it.

"I gave you no reason to insult me, Aoba-kun." Mikado said.

"No, you're still slow on the uptake… Let me explain."

A pause. Even so, Aoba was not 'explaining' anything and Mikado noticed with great surprise that he looked slightly anxious. He couldn't believe his eyes: the shameless Aoba he knew so well could be anxious about something! The one who was a sociopath.

But Aoba genuinely felt anxious. He had no experience dealing with romantic stuff. Right now it took all his courage to stand close to Mikado without pulling away. It was unexpectedly difficult to even simply keep his arms on his shoulders. It felt… strangely nice. And slightly embarrassing. C'mon Mikado, he thought to himself, you've seen my flash-drive, is it really so difficult to realize why I'm saying 'no' about Anri and am nearly embracing you?

The situation was so tense that Mikado couldn't keep his composure for much longer. He didn't know if he blushed or not, but he couldn't look at Aoba anymore. He looked anywhere but him. It was pleasant to have him stand so close and be touched, and Mikado realized that he didn't even really care that it was all done for the sake of manipulating him. At that thought he felt that his face definitely heated up. He cursed himself. He was a boy, and a physically weak boy, but at least he believed he could keep himself from blushing! He felt completely pathetic that he could not.

Meanwhile Aoba's eyes lit up, as he saw a slight blush on Mikado's cheeks. He drew a conclusion that Mikado had finally realized that Aoba was jealous of Anri. As if he was…

Footsteps resounded nearby. Aoba abruptly pulled away and turned to face the uninvited guest. Anri Sonohara was standing in front of him. She came at 1 o'clock sharp, just like Mikado requested of her. She wore a slightly puzzled expression on her face, no doubt caused by the sight that she witnessed.

"Hi, Anri." Mikado smiled serenely, pulling himself together. "I'm so relieved you've come. Care to go home together?"

"No!" Aoba latched onto his hand. "I'll be going home with you again. Anri-san, Mikado-senpai offered to teach me yesterday, so we're busy."

And with that,he pulled Mikado along, passing Anri by.

Mikado was speechless with joy. His plan worked out well! He even started to feel a little sad that Aoba felt nothing towards him and merely wanted to gain a better way to influence his 'puppet'. But he pushed those thoughts away into the darkest corner of his mind. They exploited each other all the time, since the very beginning, and he never complained about it before, right? It was, yes it was, a novel way to interact with someone… Besides, if Aoba ever had genuine feelings for him, he would not be a sociopath, and Mikado would never find himself interested in him in the first place.


	3. Chapter 3

**WEDNESDAY, DAY TIME**

Aoba was lost in thought. He needed to charm Mikado, yet no normal methods would work. Confessions and fluffy sweetness wouldn't be believed. If Aoba offered bed experiments, he had a fair shot at getting what he wanted, but sleeping with him was not what he needed most. That would hardly increase his influence over Mikado. Alternatively, he could try to be whatever Mikado understood as a sociopath, as he seemed to be so attracted to the concept.

Aoba attempted to remember which features he listed as sociopathic while reading that stupid book. Some of them sounded true enough. Lies, manipulating people… He'd never imagine that he'd have to lie and manipulate in order to impress someone and make him fall in love. In general, people did not consider such traits desirable and would run from them like they were set on fire, but Mikado was hardly a guy with ordinary tastes and reactions. Sometimes Aoba thought that he had a hard time understanding him, in comparison to others. He was an ordinary high schooler outside, but deep on the inside…

They were walking down the street, going home – this time to Aoba's place. Mikado never visited before, but he didn't mind once Aoba asked him over for the purpose of "mentoring me". As always, Mikado's responsible attitude had him eager go to any length (or place) to help teach someone.

"Excuse me." A passerby said, stopping by. "Could you please tell me where the drugstore is?"

"Over there, just between the houses." Aoba quickly pointed out a path that ended as a dead-end. "Just follow the path, and you'll see the drugstore in a while."

"Thank you!"

"Wait a minute." Mikado was puzzled. "Aoba-kun, you're mistaken, there's no drugstore that way…"

"Ignore my friend." Aoba waved Mikado away. "He isn't local and is still confused about the city's layout."

Mikado turned to Aoba, surprised. The passerby left, and Mikado looked at him with reproach.

"Aoba-kun, it's wrong to lie. Why did you do it?"

As a test, Aoba thought, but he wouldn't say that out loud.

"You're just like Izaya-san." Mikado accused. "I don't like people who lie without a sensible purpose …"

Aoba nearly exploded with rage, but managed to calm himself down. He was alright if he was compared to anyone, but never to Orihara.

"I had a sensible purpose." He said. "You just didn't know about it."

"And what kind of purpose was that, Aoba-kun?"

"You told me that I'm a sociopath and that we lie non-stop…"

"I took my words back!"

"…but you said that you found that interesting. Make an effort to explain why you're acting all judgmental, rather than interested?"

Mikado was so surprised that he even stopped walking. Come to think of it, he was contradicting himself. Mikado didn't know how to explain that.

"I dislike…" He said, finally. "I dislike when people are being fooled without a reason. Lying is fine, as long as there's a sensible reason for it."

"Oh, so it's like when we're beating people up?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm pretty sure you dislike beating people up and think it's awful. But we're 'cleansing' the Dollars by kicking out scum, right?"

Mikado nodded. He saw no flaws in Aoba's logic.

"I acted for the higher purpose. I needed to see your reaction experimentally. "

"Aoba-kun, I get that. But the passerby wasn't guilty of anything, and your reason doesn't make it any easier on him…"

"Our victims have it hard when they're beaten up, as well. But you're never objecting."

Mikado felt confused. Every time he and Aoba talked about ethics, he managed to confuse him by pointing out Mikado's own contradictions. On one hand, Mikado appreciated that information, it gave him important insight into his own self, into what he missed knowing about himself entirely. On another hand, he never knew how to deal with those new found flaws. Mikado was a rational person, and he uncritically believed that existence of self-contradictory desires and actions was a personality flaw.

All of a sudden Mikado made a decision. He turned around and started walking fast in order to catch up with the passerby. Aoba rolled his eyes at that. He lunged forward to stop Mikado.

"It's too late. He's already realized he's at the dead-end by now."

Mikado gave Aoba a dirty look, but abolished his plan to catch up to the passerby.

"Our victims are bad people, they deserve what comes their way." Mikado said. "But passerby's are passerby's, we know nothing about them."

Aoba could swear that Mikado was truthful with his saint charade, but not truthful at the same time. He knew how Mikado enjoyed being the leader of Blue Squares, how exhilarated he felt being someone whose opinion was taken as law, even if all that was achieved with Aoba's help. Mikado was not a cute fluffy bunny that he was compelled to present to the world. I know you better than you know yourself, Aoba thought. That made him feel joy and excitement. As if he was a hunter setting out to hunt down a precious animal, which had patterns it was not aware about, unlike the hunter who would use them to set his traps smartly.

"Mi-senpai, you once asked me about my brother." Aoba said, making a cute face. "I thought it over and decided to tell you something important about us."

Predictably for Aoba, Mikado lost his speech for a while after hearing the overly familiar naming. However, Aoba could afford it at this time. His previous actions already served to portray his behavior as innocent flirting, rather than an insult.

Mikado had asked about his brother, indeed. He wanted to know the reasons of hatred that Aoba displayed towards him. But up until now, he never got a truthful reply. It was almost unthinkable of Aoba to actually volunteer sensitive information about himself and his personal matters.

"Let's go, I'll tell you." Aoba tugged at his sleeve. "Stop standing in the middle of the road!"

Shaking off his shock, Mikado followed Aoba. It was a short way to his apartment, where the two of them lived – Aoba and his mother. They were silent while riding the elevator. Aoba opened the door and pointed inside invitingly.

Mikado made a step inside and looked around. He's never been here before. What he saw around now was just an ordinary apartment. Mikado felt slightly disappointed at that. But it was logical, he thought. At school Aoba kept portraying himself as an ordinary schoolboy, so he must be pretending to be an ordinary boy at home, too. That said, he could have something crazy hidden somewhere else. Like, under the bed.

Shaking his head, Mikado forced those thoughts to stop. Once again, his craving for out of the ordinary messed up his thinking. He sat down in Aoba's room, suppressed a stupid desire to look under his bed, and started unpacking his schoolbag. He promised to mentor Aoba, after all. Although Mikado did have a vague suspicion that they wouldn't end up studying today.

Aoba walked into the room a while later, carrying a small tray with two teacups. Mikado found himself hoping the drinks weren't spiked and even regretted coming to Aoba's home, but mentally slapped himself. No, he can't afford to be so paranoid. After all, Aoba is no killer and he's no psycho. He's merely a sociopath. Maybe. Even so, after taking a teacup, Mikado found himself worrying about drinking it. Aoba's lively smile didn't fill him with confidence, either, rather it had an opposite effect. He saw him hide malicious thoughts behind it all too frequently.

Why is he still wrapped up into his school persona anyway? Suddenly Mikado felt annoyed. If anything, this persona reminded him of Masaomi and he didn't want to think about him right now. Normally Aoba rarely visited Mikado at home, and it never happened vice versa yet, but he expected him to take off that mask outside of school and behave like he did with the Blue Squares around. Yet it didn't happen yesterday. Nor today.

"So, about Ran." Aoba said, sipping his tea. "He used to give me a lot of beatings, you know, so I hate him. It's an ordinary story, such things happen in many families. Did you expect something more outlandish?"

Mikado found himself wondering if that was even truth. He'd learned to be suspicious from interacting with Aoba during last few months, and once learned, suspicion was hard to let go.

"What were your parents doing about it?" He asked guardedly. "Were they okay with it?"

"They were busy." Aoba replied, frowning slightly. "They hated each other, and our father used to beat Ran, taking all his anger out on him, as well. As for me, they usually thought I dropped from stairs or got into a street fight… But that was all Ran."

Aoba hated talking about himself. Intuitively he felt like he was making himself vulnerable whenever sharing something personal. The more people knew about him, the more chances they could use their knowledge against him. But it was worth it. He planned to receive Mikado's pity, and on top of that, sharing secrets could work miracles for their relationship. Only close friends share secrets, after all. And Mikado was one of those people who appreciated basic honesty. He'd be compelled to respond to it.

"I always pretended to be the kind of boy our parents wanted." Aoba continued, an eerie smile playing on his lips. "A nice boy. Unlike Ran. Our parents used to treat me like success and him as failure, which was their own fault, if you think about it. They failed to love us equally. And that made him furious. One day he took it out on me again and he overdid it, and then I set fire to his room and made it look like he was the one to blame for it. Naturally, our parents believed it and father broke his nose."

Mikado was so invested in the story that he even gulped down some tea automatically, his paranoia completely forgotten.

"Now I see why you're like that, Aoba-kun." He sighed. "That explains a lot."

"Like what?"

"I think you're pretty aggressive and ambitious naturally. But sometimes conditions are harsh and naturally aggressive people become victims. To make up for that, they use covert warfare tactics and subtle influence to have their way. They resort to lies, manipulation, setting traps. When repeated long enough, that behavior turns into a habit they can't unlearn. They're stuck interacting with people that way and don't know any better."

Aoba made a cute face and put his hand over his heart, as if he was wounded.

"Senpai, you're hinting that I'm a sociopath again! And here I was pouring my heart out…"

Mikado laughed in response, a friendly sound. Theaters of Japan didn't know it, but they sorely needed Aoba.

"Aoba-kun, you should pursue an acting career." He said with a straight face. "Enter an appropriate university."

Aoba smirked, putting the cute mask away. Mikado did a good job showing that he didn't buy his performances at any point in time, and Aoba felt proud for him. Not that he appreciated his character analysis. If anything, it sounded too superficial to Aoba.

"Will I be mentoring you today?" Mikado asked, not even hoping for an affirmative reply.

"Depends. Will you teach me some hacking?"

"Got it. Then I'll be calling Anri; it's not too late to ask her to dinner. You nearly disrupted all my plans with her today."

"Alright, alright!" Aoba waved his hands in despair. "You'll be mentoring me. After all, I'll need to have good enough grades to continue being a nice obedient boy."

Mikado couldn't care less for this kind of rationale, but he wanted to help.


	4. Chapter 4

**WEDNESDAY, EVENING**

They studied for four hours, and Aoba deeply regretted agreeing to this. He felt tortured with boredom. Why was he even taking part in this, again? However, he knew he had only himself to blame for this situation; himself and the fact that he didn't know how to deal with Mikado now. He could technically flirt or jump him, but the issue was that, as far as Mikado would know, Aoba had no idea about his sexual orientation being anything other than straight. Aoba worried that unless the issue was addressed first, excessive flirting on his part would quickly garner suspicion. Mikado could as well realize it was all an elaborate manipulative plan. He was no fool, he could even guess that the flash-drive was lost on purpose yesterday…

The situation distressed Aoba a little. He needed to do something to fix it, and fast. After all, Mikado was still planning to confess to Anri Sonohara.

Meanwhile, Mikado felt like fish in water, mentoring his friend. He loved helping people study, and he was deeply engrossed in explaining math to Aoba.

"Don't you think that's more than enough for today!" Aoba finally snapped. "Mikado-senpai, we've been at it for four hours… I've never studied for so long in my entire life!"

Mikado glanced at the wall clock.

"I didn't realize." He said. "Time flies so fast when you're engaged with the studies."

Aoba rolled his eyes. They were as different as yin and yang. That time felt like eternity to him. A long and torturous eternity.

Mikado packed his stuff but he wasn't leaving yet. On the contrary, he had a small mischievous grin that he probably believed to be too inconspicuous for Aoba to notice. He looked like he was planning something. Aoba felt too drained to think about it. He stretched his body across the sofa, exhausted, and closed his eyes. It was getting dark behind the window. Today Mikado wouldn't be able to meet Anri, so his mission to stall for the day is over.

"Aoba-kun, wake up." Mikado called out to him. "You told me an important secret today, I appreciate it. And I think that I need to pay you back for your trust."

Aoba opened one eye with curiosity.

"I will tell you a secret in return." Mikado continued. "For the sake of our friendship."

Instantly forgetting how tired he was, Aoba climbed onto the floor and sat beside Mikado to listen to him attentively. Sharing secrets was good. He'd be able to blackmail Mikado later.

"But on one condition." Mikado said, rolling a pen between his fingers. "You have to keep my secret and absolutely avoid exploiting it in any of your dirty schemes. If you dare forget about this condition…"

And Mikado waved the pen in Aoba's face eloquently. The latter shuddered involuntarily, the memory of the pen sticking out of his palm resurfacing. That hurt like hell. His palm had to be bandaged for two weeks, he was gulping down painkillers non-stop and had trouble sleeping. Back then he was scared of Mikado. Up to this day he had no idea why he didn't start to hate him for that and how that fear slowly turned into respect and something resembling attraction.

"By the looks of it, the secret is quite important…" Aoba drew a conclusion.

"Yep. I like girls, but I like boys, too. Don't breathe a word of it to anyone else, got it? Otherwise no one will save you from the wrath of my pen."

Aoba didn't have to put shock on his face. He was genuinely shocked. For the life of him he didn't expect Mikado to say something like this. But that was very helpful. Now the issue that stopped his plans dead in their tracks was solved. He officially knows about Mikado's preferences now, and acting on this knowledge would look sensible.

Mikado was secretly happy. He knew he just solved Aoba's problem and was anticipating his next move.

"Aoba, are you home, darling?" A female voice called out from the door.

Aoba's face displayed a sour expression. As if he was almost ready to drink some delicious juice and found a rotten tomato floating inside of his cup.

"I'm not home!" He called back sarcastically. "See, she knows I'm home, lights are on in my room, the door is open, and still she asks that every evening…"

"Aoba-kun, don't be so irritated. She's your mother."

"She interrupted us." Aoba explained his irritation innocently. "I wanted to listen to more of your secrets."

"That's all for today. And don't forget…"

Mikado waved his pen in the air threateningly. He stood up, and Aoba hurried to see him to the door.

An old woman was taking her shoes off at the apartment entrance.

"This is Mikado Ryuugamine." Aoba presented his friend. "And this is my mom. Mikado-senpai was mentoring me today."

The woman lifted surprised eyes at Mikado.

"You were mentoring him, did I hear that right? You were mentoring my boy?" Apparently she couldn't believe her own ears. "Come back any time, Mikado-kun! Maybe you'll be the one to save him…"

From the sound of it, Aoba wasn't doing great at school. Once Mikado realized it, he felt sad. He worried that Aoba wouldn't enter a university and would have to work low-paid jobs all his life. He was overcome with pity and felt a strong urge to help.

He left and entered the elevator. Aoba didn't stay at home, he was still following him.

"Aoba-kun." Mikado said during the elevator ride. "You have to study more seriously."

That didn't elicit a grateful reaction from Aoba, but Mikado didn't expect it anyway. He was an independent guy himself. Rather than live on his parents money, he paid his living expenses on his own, doing various Internet jobs. The ones that Aoba would invariably call hacking, but were in truth various freelance programming projects. It was easy to earn money doing that, so Mikado didn't worry about his present, nor future. However, Aoba was apparently ignoring everything in his life, apart from Blue Squares. What was he even thinking of? Mikado decided that he only cared for his gang at this point, and maybe for his dark lordish plans to overthrow him and seize power over the Dollars.

Aoba nodded in response to Mikado's little speech, but Mikado knew perfectly well that he didn't give a damn about it.

"I'm not lecturing you." Mikado tried to explain. "I'm genuinely worried about your future…"

"Don't worry, I'll buy a fake diploma and draw whichever grades I want in it." Aoba shrugged. "Just kidding. After all, I'm not really a sociopath, right? So yeah, fine, I'll be studying day and night from now on, Mikado-senpai."

Mikado gave up. He had no idea how to talk to him about it. If he really planned to fake a diploma, he'd never have an initiative to study. That said, why would Mikado even care? They're merely using each other and have that pretend friendship thing going as a cover. So why would he ever consider Aoba's future as something he could fix? He's using Aoba and the rest of the sharks to cleanse the Dollars, and once they're done, he'll throw all of them away like garbage, as if he never knew them in the first place.

That's what Mikado told himself. However, he knew it didn't sound all that convincing. If that really was what he wanted to do, then why did he feel so guilty? It would be reasonable to use and abandon them, indeed, that's what the rules of their game of mutual usage were. Except at some point Mikado realized that he cared.

"Mikado-senpai!" Aoba called out, once they walked out of the elevator. "What are you thinking of so intently? Let's sit on the bench, I'll buy us some beer."

"I don't drink."

The other didn't listen to him and Mikado sat down on the bench resignedly while waiting for Aoba to return from the local shop. He took his smartphone out to check it for messages, but stared at old pictures instead. Here they are: him, Anri, and Masaomi… His heart hurt, and once again Mikado asked himself why he was with the Blue Squares now and what it was that he hoped to achieve. Was he doing it all for the sake of his old friends or…? He was confused.

If Mikado was honest with himself, he knew perfectly well that there was nothing holding him back from telling Anri about all his secrets and from talking to Masaomi. He could tell him how much he missed him and ask him to come back. But for some reason he didn't do anything like that. Instead he lied to himself that fixing the Dollars would bring back "the old times", and then once again he could be together with his friends… With each new day that sounded less and less convincing. He distanced himself from his friends for reasons other than the Dollars and knew the blame was on himself for doing nothing to get close to them again.

Could it be that he really likes it in the Blue Squares? Mikado shuddered from this realization, it sounded so terrifyingly truthful. Could it be that he likes these shadow games and his hidden power over the Dollars?

"Here!"

Aoba appeared in front of him abruptly, handing him a bottle. Mikado took it automatically. Could it be that he likes… him?

Aoba relaxed on the bench next to him. Mikado looked down and realized he was holding a bottle of coca-cola. His words about not drinking alcohol were heard and heeded, after all. From which point in time did he stop treating the Blue Squares, and him in particular, like his pawns?

"Oh, that's the guy, Kida…" Aoba pointed at the smartphone and the picture. "Previously your friend, but these days our enemy. Things surely change."

Mikado put the smartphone away. He had no idea how to reply to that.

"I'm cold, I'll be leaving." He said, standing up.

Aoba cavorted to him and opened his arms widely, blocking the way. But Mikado was in foul mood by this point, he didn't want to play around, he just wanted to leave.

"What's happened?" Aoba scrutinized him intently. "You look like a cute kitten dropped dead while I was away. Can I help?"

Mikado shook his head. You can't help, you're a part of the issue.

For a few seconds, they were quiet. Then Aoba made a quick step forward and suddenly Mikado felt their lips touch. His brain shut down. Aoba made a step back. All of it lasted no more than a second. Mikado's consciousness struggled to accept what just happened. They stared at each other in such a way that it was hard to say who was terrified more. Aoba had such a strange, lost expression written all over his face that no one would guess he was the one who initiated the kiss in the first place.

"I'll… go." He said. He turned around and hurried back home.

Mikado could only stare at his back. He didn't know what happened just now. But whatever it was, it was his first kiss. And it was so quick that Mikado had only a vague idea how it felt. All he could say for certain was that it was… mildly wet.

A few moments later he went into a laughing fit. It was so like Aoba to overwhelm him with something. Even though Mikado was already expecting something like that from him, Aoba still managed to deliver at the least expected time and absolutely stun him. That was what Mikado liked about him the most.


	5. Chapter 5

  **THURSDAY**

It was just a little after midnight, and Thursday had only just began. Aoba tried to fall sleep. The clock ticked away the time, and its flow felt so slow it was almost stopped. Sleep didn't come. Moonlight shone on him through the window and that irritated him; shadows of tree branches swinging in the wind were projected on the walls and that annoyed him. Everything around made him angry.

He turned on his side, trying to quell negative feelings, but they were just too strong. The image of Mikado's face was burnt into Aoba's mind. It looked so genuinely surprised with Aoba's actions that it was hard to judge if he liked them or not. This infuriated Aoba. He was the one to blame for that lack of clarity, he needed to stay and figure out his friend's response. But Aoba left, and his hurried and ill-thought-out exit made him furious at himself. But the thing that annoyed him the most was that he couldn't fall asleep. Nothing out of the ordinary has happened, why insomnia, why? So what if he kissed Mikado. Aoba was sure that it was fundamentally wrong of him to be anxious about it.

Fidgeting wildly, he finally put the blame on the hormones. There were some clear physical signs of that, enough to consider a cold shower. Aoba winced. The crazy situation disgusted him: uncontrollable attraction seemed like a lousy emotion to him, something that can make a person become a slave to another. He planned to gain exorbitant amount of influence over Mikado, but the way this was going he could end up becoming Mikado's slave instead.

He turned the night lamp on and climbed down from his bed. Pushing the bedspread aside, he snatched a thick pack of papers from the depths of darkness below. Drawings adorned the paper sheets, some of which were created by his hand in the art club at school, and some at home. Leafing through pictures at feverish speed, he chose one that resembled its prototype most. All paper sheets had senpai drawn at different angles.

Pushing the rest of the pictures back underneath the bed, Aoba lay on the side and put a prototype close by to see it under the moonlight. He had to release himself, otherwise he won't be able to fall asleep today after that damned kiss. It was not like it would be the first time he'd have to release himself using Mikado's picture anyway. If only Mikado knew what Aoba did in company of his pictures from time to time for months, he'd shoot himself on the spot out of sheer embarrassment. 

* * *

In the early morning Mikado walked towards school very slowly, as if his legs refused to move in its direction. He didn't know what would happen now and how to react to everything, and he was worried about it. But what worried him the most was that nothing would change. Yesterday Aoba looked so shocked with his own kiss that Mikado wasn't sure he'd proceed with his plan. Mikado had no idea if Aoba liked the kiss or not, which made him feel nervous. What if he felt horrified? Horrified enough to throw away his plans of romantic manipulation? What if he felt repulsed? Mikado decided that he didn't want to know.

As ill luck would have it, today they needed to give a beating to yet another small gang after school. Which meant that they couldn't talk, do or clarify anything about the previous day. But the cleansing couldn't be laid aside, either. Mikado spent a long time investigating the gang and its meeting place, he read the whole host of their private messages to each other at the Dollars site, and a few days ago he drew a conclusion that today was the best day to bust them.

"Agreed." Said a voice on the end of the line. "We'll have it done."

Aoba cancelled the call and turned to the wall to hide his smile. He knew that the smile was no school smile, it was bound to look maliciously sly, so it would be better if no one in the class noticed it. The evil genius just put another one of his plans into motion.

Mikado couldn't help but be apprehensive when Aoba turned up absent at lunch. Normally he always joined him and Anri. After classes he couldn't be found anywhere, either. No, it's not like Mikado was looking for him… Alright, so yes he was. But the object of his fixation was nowhere to be seen. Mikado started suspecting that Aoba avoided him on purpose and felt rather upset, when suddenly a phone call came through and a familiar voice chided his senpai for being late.

Mikado looked at his watches and found out that he was a bit late, indeed. The Blue Squares van was parked down two streets from school. The phone call got canceled on another end, and Mikado found himself trying to make out Aoba's current feelings towards him from his voice. However, he soon gave up on it: trying to decipher genuine feelings in a voice that was so used to lying was utterly futile, after all. But the voice kept echoing in his head rather pleasantly.

Hastily saying goodbye to Anri, Mikado felt a pang of guilt. He kept abandoning his friend each day lately, and they didn't even walk home together as often as they used to. Earlier he kept telling himself that everything would eventually be back to how it used to be, but now he didn't know what he wanted. How could his desire to live an out of ordinary life co-exist with his desire to go back to how things used to be? Mikado had no idea how to realistically combine the outcomes of such contradictory desires. He made a mental note to think it over at a more peaceful time.

With such thoughts he turned the corner. He was in a relatively safe area, but it was empty of people. Mikado walked between two houses only to find a suspicious guy standing in the way, glowering at him. He glanced back and his heart nearly stopped when he saw another shady stranger.

"Hey, you." A stranger rudely said. "High school kid!"

Mikado attempted to walk around him modestly in silence, but was grabbed with undue familiarity and knocked down on the ground.

"I'm speaking to you, deaf moron." A suspicious guy said. "Do you have no respect for me?"

"I respect you greatly." Mikado admitted, pushing himself up. "But I'm late to my appointment and I have to leave. I apologize."

"Look how polite the moron is! He apologized!"

The guy connected his leg with Mikado's stomach, and Mikado dropped his bag. He cursed his life. Did this really have to happen right here, so close to their van? Mikado felt scared of pain. He wanted to scream, but he couldn't make himself do it. He was a guy, after all, he had to respect himself. What would Blue Squares think if their leader starts crying for help like a child? He'd be strong and take it all. It's better to meet up with the sharks battered than disgrace himself.

The two shady guys were only too happy and started viciously kicking him. Mikado covered his face instinctively with his hands and pressed his teeth together. Insane bastards, he thought. They won't bully me for too long, I'm too passive and they'll get bored soon. But those thoughts didn't ease his pain at all.

"Senpai?.." A familiar voice echoed. "You scum, you have no idea who're messing with! You're dead!"

Mikado moved one hand away from his face and saw Aoba give a blow to one of his attackers with a random piece of pipe he found on the ground. The attackers lost all interest in Mikado at once and switched their focus to Aoba. Mikado straightened himself up and stood, wishing to help, but while he was slowly doing that Aoba has dealt with the guys already, and they were scurrying away, with dirty words shot at Aoba.

"Pathetic amateurs." Aoba evaluated them. "Senpai, are you ok?"

"Yeah, sure."

In truth Mikado didn't feel well, his body was aching all over from the beating, and he knew he'd discover many bruises tomorrow. But he wouldn't say that. He didn't like the way Aoba called his attackers 'pathetic', and 'amateurs' at that. If they're pathetic amateurs, then what was he?

Without planning, Mikado spoke the last thought out loud.

Aoba was doing his best to avoid showing how angry he was. It wasn't Mikado's fault, after all. He was angry at himself for his miscalculation. At first, everything went well. The guys whom he ordered to come and wait for Mikado beat him up, according to his orders. However, everything went wrong thanks to Mikado's "wuss complex", as Aoba called it, which reared its head at the least expected moment. Instead of thanking his savior and feeling grateful, Mikado was upset about his lack of strength. And on top of that, Aoba helped him feel a lot worse by calling the attackers pathetic amateurs.

He wanted to bang his head against the wall. It was unthinkable of him to miscalculate so largely and devise such an inherently wrong savior plan. By now Aoba grew so accustomed to Mikado using Blue Squares as a muscle team that he didn't expect his old complex to pop up. The plan was a magnificent failure.

"Actually, I came out to inform you that they're driving off." Aoba said. "Our dudes. We were getting late, so today they'll have a cleansing without us."

Mikado was happy to hear that, he didn't want to get into another fight today. Normally he preferred to be present at cleansings, to see them with his own eyes, but he needed to be able to stand well for that, so today would be an exception.

"Let's go over there, to a café." Aoba offered, pointing to another street. "You need to sit down."

For a few moments he tried to figure out if he should help Mikado walk or not. Eventually he decided against it. Mikado was already upset at himself for being weak, and helping him walk would put even more emphasis on his miserable state. So instead of helping him directly Aoba took his bag from the ground and walked forward slowly, waiting for Mikado to hobble after him.

The situation caused Aoba misery. He didn't look back. The distaste he felt had a guilty aftertaste. To summarize the problem, Mikado ended up beaten up for no benefit. He warned the guys to deal light blows, but judging by Mikado's unsteady gait, what was light in their opinion proved to be hard for him. And in all honestly, that was Aoba's fault. He tried to ignore these thoughts and told himself that what happened was ill luck and fate, and he couldn't prevent it because he wasn't omnipotent.

Meanwhile Mikado, who didn't suspect anything bad about the whole ordeal, was in deep thought. He wondered why Aoba didn't help him walk and didn't glance back at him even once. Even his gait was somewhat tense, as if he felt irritated. Could it be that he was still avoiding him? Could it be that he didn't want to ever touch him again after what happened yesterday? Or did he consider Mikado a wuss and felt disgusted? Mikado sighed, hopelessly clueless and sad.


	6. Chapter 6

**THURSDAY** **,** **DAY** **TIME**

When they sat down at the table, Mikado felt relieved. It was much easier on him to sit than walk. Aoba left right away, apparently to order food, and Mikado pulled out his smartphone from the bag. He sent a message to the Blue Squares, asking to inform him how well their cleansing was going without them.

A tray with sushi appeared in front of Mikado, which surprised him quite a bit. Aoba plopped down across him with his own share.

"Aoba-kun, I don't have that much money on me…"

"It's my treat."

Aoba really hated how disgustingly loud the voice of his consciousness was, so he decided to soothe it. There was no better way to block out guilt than making a present! Mikado felt completely dejected. He was sure that Aoba decided to treat him to an expensive meal out of pity.

A brutal dude who looked out of sorts at a place like that passed by their table and heavily pushed into Mikado's shoulder on his way.

"Sorry." Mikado mumbled.

He noticed that Aoba stared at him with a familiar expression that he always found hard to decipher. Mikado squirmed. He had a feeling that he was being judged. Negatively. After all, what kind of fool must he be to say "sorry" to a boorish lout who brushed so rudely against him without a reason? But Mikado was so well-mannered that it happened automatically, even though he was sure that it looked ridiculous to everyone else.

"What are you thinking of?" Mikado asked, apprehensive but curious.

Aoba shook off his reverie. He asked himself whether it was a good idea to tell his mind truthfully to Mikado. They've never before openly talked on the subject he was thinking of, but he decided that it definitely was worth it at the moment. In his opinion, Mikado was painfully frustrated with his lack of strength but it was all pointless. Aoba found it a bit ridiculous that Mikado considered himself a failure for not being a beefcake who'd own all bad guys using just two fingers on his left hand. He felt the urge to cheer him up.

"I'm thinking…" Aoba said. "That I envy you."

Mikado nearly dropped a sushi piece that he was prepared to munch on.

"Are you serious? What could you possibly envy me about?"

"The way you're faithful to yourself."

"Care to clarify this cryptic statement?"

Aoba attempted to word his thoughts:

"For example, just now you apologized, as your personality required. You always apologize when someone else is uncomfortable. If I was in your shoes, I'd act according to the circumstances, rather than my personality. I'd be calculating which way to respondm which way would give me more benefit, rather than respond spontaneously."

Mikado looked Aoba over intently. He wasn't wearing his school guise at the moment, so it could be said that Aoba was himself today.

"Aren't you behaving spontaneously right now?" Mikado asked.

"Not quite. You don't get it… You think that I'm wearing masks, but it's a lot simpler than that. I merely adapt my behavior to expectations of those around. It happens on its own without effort, no deliberate masks needed. At home I'm expected to be an exemplary son, at school a carefree schoolboy, in Blue Squares… Do you see? There are no real masks, just one continuous process of adapting to people."

"Why are you adapting to them?"

Aoba shrugged.

"No idea."

"That was honest enough." Mikado smiled. "But isn't that awesome? To know how to behave and what to say, to always know what is right to do best… That's so unlike me who apologizes at odd times. And if you want to, you can make people listen to you and obey… After all, I do realize that Blue Squares listen to me only thanks to you hanging around. They copy your attitude towards me. If you disappear for a week, they'd start questioning how I ever became their leader in the first place."

"Yeah." Aoba said. "So what? Use my services to your heart's content. Believe me, there's nothing amazing in being a herdsman for cattle."

"You shouldn't call your friends cattle, Aoba-kun…"

"All people are either cattle or scum, I merely see them for what they really are. Some happen to be both."

"Your worldview is way too pessimistic…"

"Do you seriously believe that it's cool to manipulate cattle and scum? Or to cater to their stupid expectations – at home, at school, in the street? I do it but it's not like I enjoy it."

Aoba punched the table and Mikado knew the topic was closed. Aoba's face displayed an irritated expression that looked to be genuine.

Mikado gave up. Aoba would never understand why he admired him. Mikado always wanted to have a talent similar to Aoba's, a talent of knowing how to behave according to circumstances. He wanted to blend in, to feel a part of the larger world, an intrinsic part of the crowd, but he could only be himself. From his point of view, Aoba could see the reality through a very different lens than his own. He saw people as sum of their desires, which allowed him to adapt to them and to know exactly how to fit in. Mikado would give his right hand for a lens like that.

"You, on another hand." Aoba said. "You can be your own self. In any situation."

For a moment Mikado wanted to roll his eyes but that would be a childish gesture. Aoba was completely incomprehensible to him! Sure, he used his unique world lens for sordid enough purposes, but that didn't mean Mikado's lens was better.

"What's so great about being your own self?" Mikado asked.

"It's proud and persevering. Your personality doesn't bend or twist beneath the onslaught of harsh reality."

"You've got to be mocking me…"

"When people expect you to be rude you say sorry, like today. But should I remind you of other situations I observed you in? Situations when people expected you to bow and fawn on them, but you would be cruelly honest instead. Because you just don't bow or fawn falsely, not even when the situation requires it. With the Blue Squares it's the same… Normally a gang leader is expected to be somewhat of a brute, but it seems normal for you to ask our sharks if they're hungry before we go on a cleansing."

"Eh… It would be bad if the guys had to fight on an empty stomach…"

"That's my point. Nobody expects you to care for their stomachs. You aren't acting according to the circumstances or people's expectations, you're staying true to your personality. And that's cool."

"If you ask me, that's excruciatingly dumb… Oh man, I had no idea that it was so stupid and ridiculous of me to ask if the sharks were full!"

"It wasn't dumb, it was amazing."

Mikado had never before been praised for what he considered his shortcomings. He had mixed feelings about this.

"Are you trolling me?" He asked with sudden suspicion.

Aoba shook his head negatively.

"Then I have to regretfully inform you." Mikado continued. "That I fail to understand your point of view."

"Don't worry about it. I don't understand why you admire the way I please the cattle, either."

"Aoba-kun, you're awfully misanthropic…"

"Wrong. There's one person whom I don't hate."

"And who would that be?"

Aoba eyed the window behind Mikado. Then he put his chair closer, bent a little and planted a kiss on his lips. Mikado felt confused for a moment, he didn't expect for Aoba to continue from yesterday.

"So?" Aoba said curiously, sitting back. "Did you like it?"

He glanced at the window. Mikado felt irritated and slightly insulted. Such a dramatic moment, and Aoba finds it appropriate to gaze at the passerby's. Dammit, they just kissed! Kissed! Apparently Aoba wasn't taking it seriously at all.

"I have a hard time figuring out if I liked it." Mikado said icily. "You're too hasty and distracted. It was over before I had a fair chance to judge."

And having said that, Mikado kissed Aoba on his own, shyness be damned. The other's lips responded readily, and a hand was placed firmly on his shoulder. Mikado had no idea how to kiss so he just kept brushing his lips against Aoba's. Finally, a kiss that lasted long enough. It didn't feel how Mikado imagined kissing to feel, there were no ecstatic fireworks, but it was pleasing, psychologically more so than physically. And pretty wet. Mikado felt Aoba's hand leave his shoulder and draw a lazy movement in the air behind his back. Jeez, what the heck was Aoba fooling around for at a time like this?

* * *

It would be hard to describe Aoba's excitement at seeing a familiar face behind the window. He recognized the girl as Erika Karisawa, a yaoi fanatic from Kadota's crew. She was peeking into a café curiously from behind the window, and once Aoba realized what a great chance that situation presented for him, he kissed Mikado right in front of her eyes. She stared at them with a mix of delight and terror. Then Mikado got bold and kissed him on his own. Aoba even lifted his hand from Mikado's shoulder to wave to Karisawa victoriously.

Mikado pushed back.

"Aoba-kun, I'm concerned with your behavior. Are you bored?"

In truth, Aoba was on cloud nine. All this time he's been trying to devise a plan on how to put a stop to Mikado's idea to confess to Anri Sonohara. Or how to manipulate the girl into rejecting him. But now the problem was solved! Karisawa would surely share their secret with her girl friend at the speed of light.


	7. Chapter 7

**THURSDAY, EVENING**

Aoba believed himself to be very resourceful. Especially tonight.

He was hiding in the bushes with a cellphone clasped in his right hand. A while ago he accepted a phone call from another one of his cellphones and was now happily listening to what was going on at the other side of the line. The other cellphone was placed in Anri Sonohara's room beforehand, where he sneaked it in through the window that she so carelessly left open.

"Don't be sad, we'll figure something out!" Erika Karisawa's voice said from the phone.

"But what right do I have to interfere?" Anri Sonohara said in a small voice. "If Mikado likes Kuronuma-kun, I wish them happiness…"

Imbecile, Aoba thought. He didn't understand people who refused what they wanted. That said, it was nice for him that she was an imbecile. Less hassle to deal with.

Anri Sonohara's misery irritated him. Aoba didn't believe in what the love songs sang about, and he considered any kind of attachment to another human being to be thoroughly egoistic. Anri served as proof of that. At first, she didn't care for Mikado enough to make an attempt to conquer him, instead all she did was act like a princess who liked having a loyal puppy following her around. But now that she suddenly lost her admirer, her sense of self-worth was hurt. He didn't see any love in that. Just a grandiose ego and desire to get back the person who was her primary way to boost it.

"Maybe you're right… Surely you'll find someone who deserves you better… Anri-chan, are you crying?!"

Sobs could be heard at the other end. Aoba shook his head, irritated.

"Anri-chan, continue hoping for the best! Rely on me, and we'll open his eyes…"

Scum, Aoba defined Erika Karisawa. Her noble desire to help Sonohara wasn't nice for him. It could create a lot of hassle, and it was so fundamentally stupid, at that! "We'll open his eyes". Aoba has opened his eyes already to the fact that he can have a relationship with someone who desires him, rather than serve his Ice Queen like a slave.

"Calm down, Anri-chan. Let's think. If there's anyone else whom this Kuronuma likes?"

"I don't know… Really… I don't know much about him…"

"And is there anyone who likes him?"

"What's the point? Even if there is, the problem is that Mikado likes him… I was so stupid when I hoped that eventually…"

"Quiet, girl, I told you to hope for the best! He's just confused. And Kuronuma proved to be quick, unfortunately. But don't allow your spirit to be shattered. Smile!"

A forced laughter laden with sobs sounded through the phone, and Aoba stared at it incredulously. For all he knew, Sonohara was being forcefully tickled. What kind of tactless idiot do you have to be to match this Erika girl…

"Stop it! Please!" Sonohara said in a quivering voice. "I remembered who else likes him… There are two girls at our school, they're Izaya Orihara's sisters…"

"Do you know of a way to contact them?"

Silence followed. Aoba was listening intently for any hint of what they were doing, but couldn't make anything out. Then footsteps could be heard, as if someone left the room.

"Oh please, manga gods, may the sisters fail!" Karisawa whispered. "All hail Mikaoba! Then maybe I'll have my chance, too…"

Imbecile, Aoba redefined her back. "Mikaoba!" How dare she give their bond a name, ewww, and she even put Mikado's name in front of his for some reason. Why not "Aomika"? That sounded better. He clasped the phone angrily. A reasonable person who likes Sonohara wouldn't ever attempt to help her get back with Mikado. It's her own fault she has to pray to gods for her own help to fail. What a moron.

This was another yet proof to Aoba that his hate for human beings was justified. There it was, human nature. One girl was crying over losing a slave whom she treated like crap all this time, as if he was a loyal puppy who has to run to her at the snap of her fingers. Now she wanted to get back to that awful status quo in order to elevate her own self-esteem, even though she still couldn't care less for her admirer. She couldn't care less that Mikado wasn't happy as a puppy. The other girl was yet another slave at the throne of her Ice Queen, ready to hypocritically help her just to have the scraps of her attention. Even though she wanted a lot more, she was fine with receiving the breadcrumbs. That was so pathetic. As far as Aoba was concerned, the two girls weren't worth anything but his derision.

The room was silent for a long time, and Aoba turned off the phone. Apparently Sonohara would walk Karisawa out soon, and that was his chance to get to the window unnoticed and grab his second phone back. He sighed. Human nature was such an unsightly thing, after all.

His own included. 

* * *

It was dark in the room, but a small space was engulfed in the bright light from Mikado's laptop. Mikado sat thoughtfully in that light and watched the screen. He entered the Dollars chat but kept silent. Setton and Chrome, whom he suspected to be Izaya-san, were currently online among other chat users.

He was mulling over Aoba's strange words about staying true to himself and how awesome that was. They irritated him greatly. Mikado dreamed of breaking his limits, about evolving, discovering new sides to his personality. Right now only Blue Squares gave him that freedom. Mikado believed that if he never met them, his life would be miserable. Yet all people close to him were against him for that – Kida-kun, Celty-san… Everyone wanted him to continue being that eternal Mikado, a spineless shy boy with an angel's heart. But that wasn't fair. Mikado never wanted to be who he was, he merely was who he was, against his own desires. He clenched his fists. How could Aoba ever come up with an idea that it was awesome?

However, Mikado had enough power of reason left in him to realize that his reactions were emotional outbursts. If he were to think clearly, he'd have to admit that Aoba had very sensible reasons to envy him. Judging by what he told him about himself, Aoba was a chameleon without a real personality. Or he believed himself to be like this by mistake. Therefore he harbored a desire to have a real, genuine self, unchanging and resistant to the pull of external circumstances. If only he knew how Mikado suffered from having such a strictly defined self…

Just like they say, the grass was always greener on the other side. Mikado and Aoba would have traded places with each other in a heartbeat.

Intuitively Mikado felt that there was something wrong with his personality. It became too rigid and fixed lately, it felt like prison to him. He grew to believe it was fake and artificial, a limited personality that couldn't hold all the urges of his soul. Yet people around reacted so harshly and judgmental to his attempt to push out of his boundaries. Masaomi was the worst. How did he even come up with that crazy plan? He called back his old gang with one single cruel purpose: destroy Mikado's attempts to evolve! After all, the Blue Squares served as a vehicle of Mikado's change. If they were to be ruined, Mikado's freedom would perish along with them.

He picked up his smartphone and eyed recent messages from the sharks. The cleansing went well today. Yoshikiri and Mitsukuri sported new bruises, Neko got a bloodied nose, but the others didn't suffer any consequences. Mikado's heart felt warm and fuzzy, it was nice to be a part of the group that accepted him for what he was and whichever sides of personality he chose to show in their presence.

His laptop went into sleep mode and Mikado touched it to wake it back up. Apparently he was thinking for too long. Setton left the chat already, but Chrome was still online. Mikado opened a private chat with Setton and typed in:

"Setton-san, our last conversation was foul, and I really want to get back on good terms with you. Please let me explain. Aoba and I don't merely use each other soullessly, I think I have a crush on him. You're right that he can't be trusted, he behaves so erratically: one minute he pays attention to me, another he gets distracted. I don't know how to push him into the right direction. You've been so happily in love for a long time, I wondered if you would be so kind as to give me some advice from a more experienced adult. Message me when you get back online."

Mikado covered his face with his hands to avoid looking at what he just typed up. So shamelessly open. Mikado already regretted typing "a crush". At first he wanted to type "I like him", but he knew it wouldn't sound clear enough. There were many ways of liking people, after all. The idea of having a crush on Aoba horrified Mikado, though. He hoped it would never come to that.

Naturally, it was way too crazy to ask for Celty-san's help, he did it only because he really needed it. But not from Celty-san, from Izaya-san. As a person who understood Izaya-san he realized that asking him for help directly would be a deed worth the Fool of the Year prize. And as a person who knew a lot about IT he realized that a chat admin can read private messages. He didn't doubt that Izaya-san abused his privileges daily.

Mikado left the chat to stop seeing his own words. He felt better knowing that from now on, he had big chances of Izaya-san assisting him, one way or another. After all, he loved humans and hated everything that was less than human. Like Anri… Mikado never talked to her about it, but he'd seen enough to draw some conclusions. Izaya-san couldn't help but butt in other people's business, and he was very likely to want to disturb Anri's life. They were almost an unofficial couple, so he'd love to help Mikado, just to see that couple torn apart.

An SMS sound signaled the delivery of a new message. "Good night, Mikado! Have many sweet dreams today :)", the message said, with a picture of a drowsy kitten attached. The sender was named Anri.

Mikado stared at the letters in stunned silence. She'd never sent him cute random messages before.


	8. Chapter 8

**FRIDAY**

When the teacher turned to the blackboard, Aoba saw a crumbled paper ball land on his desk. He eyed it for a while, doing nothing. Then he took the paper ball and, once the teacher turned away once again, threw it back to Kururi without reading.

He was busy with something else. As stupid as it sounded, he was searching for ticket prices on his phone for the local attraction park. He wondered if Mikado had ever visited it. Such places offered various opportunities for thrill seekers that would be hard to come by anywhere else. His only concern was that Mikado would consider the place childish and him an idiot for offering to pay it a visit.

But Aoba still felt guilty about the useless beating the goons he hired gave Mikado and wanted to make him happy. 

* * *

 "Sure thing, Anri." Mikado agreed.

He had very little idea what he agreed to. Anri merely informed him that they needed to talk alone. At first Mikado tried to refuse politely, suspecting that she was going to share the existence of her katana with him; as usual, he offered to wait for their reunion with Masaomi to have a chance to share secrets all together. But Anri assured him that she wasn't going to share secrets. Mikado didn't know what else she could possibly want to talk about, so he had no other choice but to learn it firsthand. He agreed to find some time for her today.

They were at the roof of their school with lunches and managed to eat half of them already, when Aoba finally came. This time he was not alone, the Orihara sisters followed him. The merriest one, Mairu, was chatting nonstop, which earned her Aoba's frequent nods and equally merry glances. When the three of them greeted everyone and sat down, Mikado wondered why no one else could see the obvious fakeness in Aoba's behavior. All these smiles, the deliberately high spirits… Today all that seemed more fake than ever. Mikado could sense that Aoba was not at ease.

Mikado attempted to address to him some words during lunch, but Mairu chattered with so much enthusiasm that he caved and continued eating silently, accompanied by the sound of her solo. He found out with some surprise that the sisters gave him disapproving glances from time to time. He secretly looked over his uniform, smoothed his hair. It would seem that nothing was sticking to him, the uniform wasn't awfully creased, and his hair was not quite the raven's nest, either. Their reactions continued being a mystery to Mikado. He wanted to ask them directly, but decided that the sisters would laugh it off out of politeness anyway.

Instead of asking questions he visited the restroom before the lesson began and eyed himself in the mirror. There was nothing ridiculous standing out in the mirror. Suddenly, the door smashed open, and Aoba entered.

"I barely got away…" He sighed. "Thank god I can visit the bathroom alone!"

Mikado didn't like that for some reason. He didn't like the Orihara sisters' behavior today at all. On top of that, Aoba's behavior irritated him, too. Yesterday at the café he was speaking with more honesty and seriousness than usual. It was a stark contrast to his current carefree light-hearted behavior, so much that the light-heartedness repulsed Mikado. He didn't want their communication to turn back into a charade just after they've crossed such a big line.

"Today I want you to mentor me again." Aoba claimed, trying to hide his real intention to visit a stupid park behind something Mikado might like better. "Keep that in mind. Make no other plans, we'll be busy like hell after lessons."

"Aoba-kun wants to be mentored…" Mikado drawled thoughtfully. "No, I can't acknowledge that as a truthful sentence. Be honest and tell me what you're hiding."

"Hiding? It's like you're implying I've got dirty motives…"

"Stop dodging the question and expose yourself, you two-faced monster."

Mikado felt sick of Aoba's theatrics. Right now he'd prefer to see a monster in front of him, rather than this thoroughly fake school persona.

"Geez, expose myself? Now which of us really thinks dirty? Fair enough, I'm telling you honestly: I really do have dirty motives for today! And for them to come true I want you to visit this place with me."

He put his cellphone with a picture of a rollercoaster close to Mikado's face. As soon as he saw it, Mikado shot him an incredulous and skeptical glance. Then he stared at the picture, as if it just dawned on him how successfully the rollercoaster could be used for thrills, and his face lit up with realization, horror, and delight, all at once.

"What a range of emotion." Aoba appreciated out loud. "It's a pleasure to watch you."

"You don't say, Aoba-kun… Yesterday you enjoyed looking out of the window more."

"I'll never live it down, will I?"

"Actually, I promised Anri to meet up with her today, so…"

"So the park comes first, and she comes second!"

The voice was carefree, but a mean expression flickered through Aoba's eyes for a moment. Mikado felt pleased. It was good to see a crack in his foolish image, even if it seemed foolish only in comparison to the image of yesterday, which Mikado believed to be much closer to his real self.

"Aoba-kun." He said soothingly. "If you think I'm going to confess to her, you're wrong. She merely said she has something to discuss with me."

"I'm not Aoba-kun, mind you, I'm Aoba."

The bell rang loudly. Mikado couldn't decide how to react to that impertinent statement, so he ignored it and headed towards the door. However, he was hugged from the back and held back.

"You can't leave just like that!"

"I can and I will." He pushed forward, breaking loose. "May that be your punishment. Next time don't be distracted with random passerby's behind the windows."

"Mikado, I had no idea you were so unforgiving."

"I'm Mikado-senpai, stop being familiar."

He opened the door and discovered the Orihara sisters waiting for Aoba nearby. That looked very shady, they'd never behaved this way before. As soon as they saw Mikado leaving the restroom, they exchanged glances eloquently. He felt uneasy. Could Izaya-san have shared some interesting facts with them? Was Mikado being naïve when he thought he'd assist him? 

* * *

A large group gathered at the school gate: Mikado with Anri, Aoba with the Orihara sisters and even Kadota's van with Erika Karisawa among other passengers.

"This is not what I intended." Aoba mumbled darkly.

Even though it was their first test of a date, the cattle herd was prepared to go to any length to ruin it. Aoba considered changing all his plans for today, but thought better of it. After all, he thought, this stubborn herd will follow them to the end of the Earth. He'd have to act according to the circumstances and kick those clowns away one by one.

When they got to the park, Mikado expressed desire to ride the rollercoaster he'd seen at the picture. Anri followed him silently, but the twins attacked Aoba with a dumb request to take a picture of them riding a boat on the lake. Karisawa was spewing some delusions about manga and walked in Aoba's footsteps like a spy. Aoba felt like he wanted to slaughter the twins, then cut out Karisawa's eyes and tongue, dismember her and offer as a treat for hungry sewer rats.

Once Aoba was done with the boat and the taking of the picture, he found the rollercoaster and to his surprise, Mikado was still riding it. Anri, pale and even greenish, stood below in the crowd, waiting for him. According to her, he was taking a third rollercoaster ride by now. Once was enough for her, just like for all normal people.

Stepping on firm ground once again, Mikado was shining with happiness, even though he was visibly trembling. It occurred to Aoba that he could achieve similar results with a cinema date, provided that there was a good horror film to choose from.

"We want to ride, too." The sisters were whining at him annoyingly.

Aoba bought them tickets and asked them to wait for him until he gets back from the bathroom. Karisawa got lost on her way after spotting a manga kiosk, which was fortunate for him. Escaping everyone this way, he joined Anri and Mikado, who were in the process of choosing where to go next.

"Sonohara-san, Karisawa-san lost you." He said anxiously. "She was worried that she forgot to give you something, but her phone has shut down, so she couldn't call you. Find her."

"Where did you see her?"

"Over there."

He pointed at the farthest kiosk with no manga. Anri hastily started walking in that direction.

"Come now!"

Grabbing Mikado by his hand, Aoba dragged him into a crowd to blend in, so that the sisters couldn't spot him and realize that he was with Mikado rather than in the bathroom.

"Aoba-kun, I thought it was stupid to agree to come here, but I like it." Mikado smiled. "Now let's go to the Ferris wheel."

"No way, let's go somewhere else, to a place without people…"

"You've got to be kidding me."

The Ferris wheel could easily be seen against the sky from the spot they were standing on, and they turned to go in its general direction. Mikado was happy like a child who discovered a new toy. Aoba felt bored, so he entertained himself with planning how to drive off Anri from Mikado for good. It would seem that she was going to be more active from now on. She even came up with setting some private time for the two of them today. Would she attempt to charm him and pry him away from Aoba? Even so, he'd already decided to go to the extreme today, so the rival plan didn't bother him much. It would automatically be taken care of.

There was only one issue Aoba was worried about. He wasn't sure Mikado would take the extremes he was going to pursue lightly. Mikado proved to be quite sensitive, he still acted hurt about the damn stupid window. The new genius plan could spell doom for Aoba.


	9. Chapter 9

**FRIDAY, DAY TIME**

Earth was lost far below, and people seemed like tiny creatures swarming everywhere around. Watching them, Mikado bent so much across their seat that Aoba felt worried he'd fall out. Contrary to Mikado, Aoba didn't feel very good on the Ferris wheel, he discovered that heights were not his best friend. However, that discovery gave him an idea on how to test his current influence limits. He theatrically latched onto the seat and portrayed great tension with every fiber of his being and every bone of his body.

"This is amazing." Mikado admired meanwhile. "Aoba-kun, look. All we're missing is a parachute."

"Don't fall out."

Aoba deliberately said that in a weak quivering voice, adding some disgust on top. Upon hearing a tone in such contrast to his own feelings, Mikado tore his eyes away from the ground and immediately focused on Aoba.

"Are you afraid of heights?" He asked, taking in his tense posture. "Why did you agree to this ride?"

"You're imagining things. This stupid wheel bores me to death, that's it."

A concerned expression appeared in Mikado's eyes for a moment. Aoba shrank more, in order to elicit more of that feeling from him. Mikado couldn't take it anymore, he sat closer and put his arm around Aoba.

"Don't worry, if something happens we'll die together."

"You have a talent to soothe people."

Aoba was pleased. His performance worked better than he thought. Mikado was normally so shy and distant with people, yet his heart went out to vulnerable Aoba. The way he hugged him did not fit Mikado's normal behavior patterns, either. He would usually have to be relentlessly pursued rather than approach people himself, let alone touch them.

Aoba put his hand in between the seat and Mikado's back, giving a hug in return. Hugging wasn't any worse than kissing. Aoba felt overtaken with a sensation he didn't quite know the name for. Comfort? Warmth? Closeness to a highly desirable human being?

No, Aoba objected his own thoughts, it was closeness to an object of manipulation! He had to continue thinking rationally, otherwise he was at risk to be turned into an object of manipulation himself. He never appreciated the idea of loving someone. In his opinion people did not deserve it, and if they happened to receive someone's love, they used that person shamelessly. Some for obvious goals like sex or money, others for subtler but no less egoistic goals, like attention, admiration, or receiving care. Long ago he drew a conclusion that the majority of cattle dream to be loved, as it boosts their ego and gives various rewards. But they don't really want to love anyone else and are prepared to merely receive feelings, imitating a response half-heartedly. Some even manage to convince themselves that they do indeed have feelings in return, but once a problem appears in the relationship, their egoistic nature rears its head and they demand everything to be their way, blackmailing the other person with breakup.

On top of that, Aoba didn't believe that cattle who was led into such slavery were in love, either. Blind love was borne out of loneliness, out of desire to make life brighter, a romance propaganda or the feeling of worthlessness that created an illusion of needing a "second half". These people became dependent on others because of their own weak spots.

Aoba considered his own attraction to Mikado natural. He was handsome, they spent a lot of time together, and he liked his personality. He thought that Mikado's personality had three layers. The first visible layer was timidity coupled with intelligence, and behind that layer a thrill seeking adventurer lay in wait. That seeker was prepared to ride rollercoasters or lead a gang of thugs, and Aoba believed that he didn't really care which ways, legal or not, filled his life with vibrant colors and significance. However, behind it yet another layer could be spotted, a layer that Aoba named idealistic. In a way, Mikado's ideals never really changed. He could lie to himself on many accounts, but in the long run he'd never end up using the Blue Squares for serious criminal activities, for example.

The idealistic layer was fascinating to Aoba who didn't have any similar beliefs. He was used to seeing superficial kindness that people showed out of politeness or out of wanting to be liked. He was used to seeing civil masks. But he'd never seen a leader of a gang use it for "good purposes" or act worried about his guys. Paradoxically, as a leader of their gang Mikado represented a sheep in wolf's clothing.

Nobody would pretend to care if he was wearing wolf's clothing, Aoba was sure of that. It made no sense. That's why he considered Mikado's idealism to be genuine. Not genuine in the sense of him gushing with compassion and emotion, but genuine in the sense of him never letting go of an intellectual set of beliefs that resulted in other people's well-being. And for that he couldn't despise or hate him, on the contrary…

"We're almost on top." Mikado interrupted his thoughts.

Aoba closed his eyes for a while. He didn't really want to see anything at that height. He was sick of people, and there were too much of them visible from where they were. Crowds upon crowds of useless scum.

"Today is Friday." Mikado said suddenly. "Yet you didn't go to your art club."

"Ah, you noticed! And so soon, too. I thought tomorrow you'd surely realize that."

"I've never seen you draw. Will you show me your pictures?"

Aoba opened his eyes, and instead of looking down, stared right at Mikado. He preferred that view anyway. He wanted him to show him a bunch of pictures of himself? No way, Mikado would make the wrong conclusions, he'd start believing Aoba actually liked him, but Aoba never got attached to anybody. He considered his infatuation from a pragmatic point of view: it existed, so why not indulge it and receive useful bonuses.

"You'll dislike my pictures." Aoba assured him, smirking artificially. "They're dirty… in that way."

"Then draw me something special."

"Allow me to offer you a crippled, bleeding Izaya Orihara. Lying alive in a coffin. He's screaming. People are standing around the coffin and clap merrily to his misery."

"Thank you, but I asked for something special."

"Did that sound ordinary? I had no idea you were so cruel that it's ordinary to you. Although…"

Aoba glanced at his hand which was adorned, or rather uglified, by a lifetime scar.

"Although…?"

"Forget it, I can see them waiting for us below."

The Ferris wheel was coming down, and Aoba saw the Orihara sisters, Anri Sonohara and Erika Karisawa standing in the crowd looking up and trying to spot them intently. It was amazing how the cattle even found out where to look for them. Apparently they'd been asking all the passerby's if they saw two guys in school uniforms similar to theirs.

"They're all going to attack me." Aoba predicted in a bored voice.

"Why?"

"Don't believe their lies." Aoba said lightly. "They want to shame me in front of you."

Mikado still didn't like how lightly he behaved. Today he began to realize he didn't actually like Aoba's school persona at all. No matter what he said about himself not having a real personality, the other one he saw seemed a lot more genuine and preferable to Mikado. Seeing Aoba speak like this, in a light and joking voice, made Mikado feel like he was deliberately deprived of satisfying communication.

It was strange. A while ago, he found his school persona interesting. He didn't know why things have changed like that, but he suspected that because they became somewhat closer lately, he wanted Aoba to behave more openly with him.

Mikado pushed away from him and sat back, and Aoba suddenly realized that he felt insulted. It was almost like being spat on. So Mikado doesn't want his friends to know there was something between them. That said, there was nothing between them, Aoba told himself, it was all just a game, after all. This way he successfully trapped himself by his own twisted logic and had to accept that he couldn't break the rule of secrecy.

"Once I get them off me, let's meet in the bathroom." He said. "The bathroom truly is the only place to be left alone these days. Tell them you've got stomach ache."

"It's bad to lie…"

"You'll be doing it for the higher purpose. For me. I'm so awesome, do it for me. And I already know how I'm going to thank you for that."

And he blew Mikado a kiss as a hint.

* * *

Mikado entered the restroom and imagined how stupid he would look if he stood around without entering a cubicle. Everyone would be curious why he'd come and what he was waiting around for. So he left his bag on a shelf, entered an open stall and sat on the toilet seat lid to pretend like he was busy.

Ten minutes passed before Aoba popped up in the restroom, entering leisurely. Mikado recognized his walk and found it surprising. He never realized that he knew his steps by sound.

"I'm here." Mikado said.

He prepared to come out, but once he threw the stall door open, Aoba pushed him back and squeezed inside, too.

"I promised to thank you." He winked. "And I always keep my promises… Alright, alright, I don't always keep them, but I'll make an exception for you."

"Quiet!" Mikado paled out of sheer horror and embarrassment. "It's fortunate that there's no one occupying the other cubicles at this time, but if someone comes in and learns we're inside together… Do you realize what they're going to think of us?"

"They won't be mistaken."

Mikado failed to stand his ground when Aoba pushed him down, back onto the toilet seat. He put his hands on his pants, and Mikado panicked. Was Aoba nuts? Mikado loved unpredictable turns of events, that was true, but not to the extent of having his first time in a dirty public restroom.

* * *

Mikado had a hard time telling whether it was all real or an elaborate illusion of his sick brain. He was overcome with delightfully ecstatic sensations, and what was currently occurring was so, so, so incredibly dirty. He almost forgot how to breathe. At one point someone entered the bathroom and he felt a pang of fear at the prospect of being discovered. It mixed in with physical euphoria in a very unusual, contrasting way.

Before this time Mikado did think of sex frequently, like any boy of his age, but he always imagined his first time to happen in a more traditional and mutual way. He always thought he'd end up with Anri, who was a pure and proper girl in his opinion and who'd never agree to do what Aoba was doing now of his own free will. That said, he didn't imagine Aoba easily wanting to do it that way, either. It was too one-sided, and Aoba normally cared too much for his own benefit to do something without immediate compensation.

Mikado felt no small amount of despair about being stuck in a public place like this and having to fear making the slightest move or the slightest sound, out of possibility of being discovered with Aoba. Why couldn't Aoba do this in a different place without people around? And give a warning before jumping him, too.

That said, Mikado knew he was the stupid one. Aoba is not a shy girl and he should've predicted his desire to start experimenting quickly. And since it was Aoba, he wouldn't exactly care for romantic atmosphere and place. He'd likely woo a girl properly if he wanted to get into her panties, but apparently Mikado as a boy didn't warrant proper treatment. It was possible that he judged by himself and was truly oblivious to Mikado wanting for it to happen in a different way.

Still, Mikado's body wasn't in line with his thoughts. He was so overexcited that everything ended rather quickly. In a few moments of sheer ecstasy, Mikado gripped Aoba's shoulder and whispered "thank you".


	10. Chapter 10

**FRIDAY, EVENING**

It was evening. The light was on in Mikado's apartment. He and Anri were seated on a sofa together.

"I didn't know what to do at first." Anri said, not daring to look at Mikado. "But I finally found my resolve. My friends, Erika-san and Celty-san, helped me find it."

She lifted her eyes and looked at Mikado decisively.

"Just this once, I'll allow myself to think of myself as worthy and not a parasite. I'll allow myself to hope for happiness and acceptance. Mikado, if I told you that I liked you, how would you respond?"

Mikado was speechless for a moment. Anri couldn't look at him anymore and shifted her eyes to look at the floor. Apparently her decisiveness, a short burst of which he just witnessed, had evaporated. Mikado's feelings were mixed. He felt surprised, flattered, but most of all horrified. If this happened just a week earlier things would be different, but now…

"If you have no words, I understand." Anri said, regaining her composure and looking right into his eyes again. "It's difficult to talk about such things. But words aren't necessary."

She suddenly sat closer to him, and they ended up really close together. She didn't do anything else, she didn't even try, but it looked like an invitation.

"I'm sorry." Mikado said, hating his guts.

Anri sat back. She looked tremendously hurt but not surprised, as if she didn't really expect a better outcome. Mikado's heart twisted, but he couldn't do anything except be honest with her. He couldn't possibly hug or kiss Anri. He couldn't taint her. Not after what Aoba did to him. And even if such a thing didn't happen today, maybe he wouldn't kiss her, either. He developed a strange sense of commitment to Aoba, which was ridiculous if you think of their small romance as a game of mutual usage, but Mikado could hardly cancel out his own ideals. He didn't think there was ever a place for three in any kind of romance. And he didn't think he could kick out Aoba and replace him with Anri, either. That would be so wrong. She deserved better than being his girlfriend only because Aoba's behavior was not romantic enough for him. She didn't deserve being a replacement.

Anri stood up, nodded a goodbye and walked to the door. The situation was extremely awkward. Mikado wished to make it easier on Anri, so he bid her goodbye and didn't say anything else. Giving her a million of apologies wouldn't make her feel better now. Most likely she felt humiliated and rejected, and apologies never worked to make those things easier on a person. Above all, she most likely wanted to be alone.

"We're still friends, right?" Mikado said when she was on the porch. "Please say yes."

"Yes." She replied very quietly and was gone.

After he closed the door, Mikado pitied himself. He knew he was an idiot. He should've responded in kind. And now he's lost his chance. He couldn't even explain to her why he didn't respond in kind. How could he ever tell her about what they did in the stall? Perhaps it was egoistic of him, but he didn't want her to be disgusted with him. But he did let her know another part of the truth… which was that he didn't love her.

Just a week ago he'd have behaved differently. Just a week ago he'd even successfully deceive himself that he had a crush on her.

* * *

"Why are we here, Aoba?" Gin said, bored. "Who're you spying on, our leader? You nuts?"

With binoculars in his hands, Aoba watched Anri Sonohara leave Mikado's apartment from the van. She didn't look happy, in fact, there were tears on her face. He broke into a triumphant smile. That was exactly what he hoped to achieve with today's sexual antics. Mikado just couldn't jump ship now that they've progressed that far. He truly was his now – hook, line and sinker.

"Yo, Aoba, are you deaf?"

Aoba put the binoculars down. Gin rolled his eyes, bored and eager to find something more interesting to do than sit at the steering wheel of the van and wait for Aoba to finish his spying activities.

"All done, Gin. Let's leave." Aoba said with a smirk. "Let's go play cards with the others."

* * *

Later in the evening, Mikado was deep in thought. He had to sort things out. He dealt with the Anri situation, not in the best way, but as well as he could. Now he had to deal with the Aoba situation. There was a nagging feeling inside him that he had to let go of him.

Mikado reminded himself that what he read about sociopaths wasn't flattering. The book portrayed Aoba as someone without empathy and without an ability to form genuine human connections. But was Aoba really a sociopath? Mikado realized he had no idea. He just latched onto a set of notions that he thought would help him understand Aoba, and the sociopath notions sounded close enough.

In the entertainment industry, like in the movies, such a label would denote someone who is a killer or prone to physical violence, which Mikado knew to be untrue. It always happened like this: a serial killer would be labeled and all people with the same label would suffer a hit to their reputation. But killers weren't necessarily sociopaths, they were sometimes borderline, truly insane, or even completely normal. Still all mentally ill people would invariably suffer a bad reputation from a few bad cookies in the jar. A real sociopath, as Mikado understood, was a relatively harmless predator as far as physical violence was concerned. He was merely a cunning pathological liar without empathy.

Mikado sighed. Why was he imagining himself to be a great psychologist, again? Why did he ever try to label Aoba? The truth was that he found it too hard to draw conclusions about his personality from observing him, so he chose a label and pretended that he finally knew what Aoba was. But now he was paying the price for that: he was doubting that Aoba could ever have feelings of attachment.

True to himself, Mikado thought of the Internet, his favorite home of many virtual worlds and an endless well of information. He opened up his laptop and browsed for a sociopath forum. After an hour passed reading the one he found, Mikado drew a conclusion that it was quite foolish. People who congregated there looked like wannabe tough guys. Some boys and girls who thought it would be cool to be known as manipulative jerks without feelings. It was popular nowadays. These people were probably compensating for their inner sense of inferiority. Some of them wore avatars picturing cruelties, which convinced Mikado that they were compensating. After all, what kind of conniving liar would ever show off like that? And what kind of man without feelings of attachment would ever want to show off in the first place? A desire to earn appreciation was so not sociopathic.

Disappointed, Mikado closed the forum of wannabe sociopaths. Was it fair of him to think of Aoba as someone who can't get attached? Maybe he was traumatized by his childhood and became manipulative, maybe he was even born manipulative, so should he really draw such a drastic conclusion? Still Mikado thought there was some truth to it, after all, someone who sees people as tools to manipulate doesn't care for them as a human beings. Aoba even called them cattle and scum. But that shouldn't mean that he has some sort of mental disorder, perhaps he can appreciate people if he opens up a little and discovers that it feels good.

Mikado felt a strong urge to help him do just that, but at the same time he knew it wouldn't be easy. You can't teach friendship or love to the unwilling.

This made Mikado wonder if there was anything in him that he could teach. He didn't know if he could love, either. Did he love Anri? He had a small crush on her, which happened on first sight, so it would be accurate to say it was very superficial. Lately the crush started dissipating and he distanced himself from her. Whom else did he love? His parents? Relationships with parents were always complex love-hate affairs, and Mikado's was no exception. Masaomi? Mikado didn't know. He didn't miss him, but did that mean that he didn't care for him much? In all honestly, it most likely did.

In a torturous revelation, it dawned on Mikado that even though he was suspecting Aoba to be unable to form a genuine bond, he was probably in the same boat as him. Could two drowning people really help each other?

After a sleepless night, his answer was no. Unlike Mikado, Aoba didn't show any desire for real closeness or even genuine friendship, he was playing his game of influence and that was it. Now with some sex thrown in. He did bring Mikado to release in a most intimate manner, so he was most likely physically attracted to him. But apart from that, Mikado thought there was nothing. And as for Mikado himself, he decided that he cared way too much by this point, and the chances of all this working out well were too slim. He was no teacher of love. It was better to just let go. He was going to inform Aoba that it's over.

It was morning already when Mikado grabbed his cellphone. Dumping a guy by SMS was a cheap move, sure thing, it would be a lot more respectful to set a meeting and talk about it in person, but Mikado was beyond caring. After all, Aoba didn't really care for him, so he wouldn't be hurt too much, whichever dumping method Mikado chooses to employ. Aoba will have to find someone else to help him stop seeing people as cattle or sexual objects and fall in love. Mikado would be a bad teacher, because he didn't love anyone, either. And Mikado would find someone else, eventually, who isn't riddled with issues and hate towards people.

After typing up a dumping SMS, Mikado pressed the button to send it. Done. Maybe he was mistaken, he thought, maybe he should've taken a shot at this crazy romance. That said, it didn't look like romance was possible to Mikado. He thought he could predict Aoba's behavior pretty well: he'd come on to him and silkily request compensation for what he did; Mikado would find it a fair request and oblige, and then they'd end up in bed engaged in sexual activities. Or in whatever other place, really.

A part of him actually wanted that to happen, to be caught in a whirl of pleasure day after day. But another part felt sad at picturing how mechanical and empty of feeling that pleasure would be. Besides, Mikado was no fool, he realized that Aoba did what he did to him today too expertly for a beginner, which made him feel jealous. It was impossible couldn't deny that it was obvious he did it before, and it was most obviously not just once. Nobody was natural at these things, they required a learning curve. So Aoba probably had someone else on the side, while Mikado was lamenting the lack of romance, like a moron.

In a way, Mikado found himself to be a masochist. Nothing else would explain why he hurt himself by severing the relationship that was only starting to bud. But he believed in superiority of brain over feelings, and his brain told him that unless severed, the relationship would hurt him a lot in the long run. Sometimes it was smarter to hurt yourself early on than indulge yourself only to suffer as a result. Mikado felt sad. But he knew that all his sorrow was ultimately a result of his crush on Aoba, and time would heal it eventually.

He pictured Aoba, with rustled hair and in bed, opening his eyes to a cellphone that signaled an SMS so early in the morning on a Saturday. The picture amused him and he smiled. Oh my god, he thought, why am I smiling at the image of Aoba trying to feel for his phone? Why does it look so cute? I'm so beyond saving.

With that, Mikado turned his phone off for good and tried to finally get some sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

**SATURDAY**

Having slept until noon, Mikado woke up to make himself lunch and check the Blue Square network. They were planning to meet today and he found out that everyone would make it successfully. He turned on his phone to look through the missed calls and completely ignored Aoba's. For now he didn't want to talk to him and he was going to avoid him.

There was an unknown caller number, and he redialed it.

"Hello, who am I talking to?" Mikado asked, after the call was taken.

"So now you call back, punk. I was waiting for an hour! Don't make me wait that long ever again."

"Sorry, but who are you?"

"The name's Ran Izumii. Now scuttle over to Russia Sushi. Quick. We need to talk."

"Izumii-san, who gave you my phone number?"

"Ah, that would be a sucker who goes by Izaya. Quick, I'm telling you! Don't joke with me."

The call got cancelled and Mikado frowned. He dialed Izaya Orihara's number and waited but no one was picking up. Mikado suspected he wasn't picking up on purpose. He rarely picked up his phone calls lately, and Mikado got fed up with the lame "too much work" excuse. No one could be so rude that they didn't ever return insistent phone calls even after they were done with work, unless they didn't plan to return them in the first place.

However, Mikado welcomed a distraction from his thoughts about his first ever breakup. Russia Sushi was a crowded place, and Simon was capable of stopping even Shizuo at full speed, so surely Ran Izumii would be no issue for him on the off chance that he pulled something dangerous.

* * *

"Izumii-san, hello."

Mikado sat beside him at the sushi stand.

"There you are." Izumii smiled wildly. "That was quick. Good boy."

Mikado saw that his sushi was already served. Russia Sushi was the cheapest sushi joint in town, which easily gave one an idea about Ran Izumii's financial situation. Not wishing to be even in a small debt to a criminal, Mikado pulled out his wallet and paid for his serving.

"What did you want to discuss, Izumii-san?"

"I'm not one for small talk, so here it is: how about we get a room? I like you. I tend to like cute skinny boys."

Mikado felt like he was dreaming. Probably it was a nightmare. But surely this couldn't be happening for real. No way in hell.

"Izumii-san, that was a very creative joke." He smiled politely, even though he didn't find it funny at all. "Please, move on to what you wanted to discuss…"

"I'm serious, punk. You're so skinny, you need a strong shoulder."

Something started to slowly make sense to Mikado.

"Sorry, but how do you know that I… Why do you think that I… would date a dude?"

"Ah, that worm Izaya told me. I was thinking out aloud about whom I should screw next, and he said he knew just the one I'd get turned on by. Just my type and gay, he said. And he was damn right, I got my money's worth. So whaddya say?"

Mikado blushed involuntarily. Oh, that was just grand, now Izaya Orihara was selling sensitive information about him to random people! He should've known that he'd find a way to profit from that private message to Celty. But to sell this information to someone like Ran Izumii, what was he thinking? Most likely that was done for the lulz. For all intents and purposes, Izaya was having the laugh of his life right now.

"Sorry, but I say no."

"Huh? Playing hard to get?"

"…"

"The way I see it, those little idiots that call themselves Blue Squares these days can't do shit. You play your little gang war, but them all are just a bunch of whiny kids on all sides! Real tough guys are in serious criminal business, like me: I have mafia connections. Be flattered that I chose you."

"Izumii-san, I honestly had no idea you were gay..."

"Huh? So that little loathsome brother of mine never talks about me? What a useless piece of trash. To be specific, I'm bi just like him, but that doesn't matter now; we can relax together in a manly way."

Mikado had no idea how to deal with a guy as crazy and unstable as Ran Izumii. He felt intimidated and wanted to run from Russia Sushi, that was all he knew. And then there was a matter of Izumii possessing his phone number. That was bad.

He caught Simon staring at them incredulously, and indeed they looked like unlikely eating partners.

"Aoba-kun told me you used to beat him as a child." Mikado said.

He was extremely scared, but his curiosity was even more extreme. Now he'll know for sure if Aoba was telling the truth…

"Ah, so he prattles about me, after all? The little shit was asking for it. And now he's playing the victim."

"I don't think beating children is ever justified."

"What? Tell that to our daddy."

"So you excuse your own misdeeds because you were mistreated first… But that's just wrong, Izumii-san."

"Are you lecturing me, kid? You completely dumb or what?"

"Repeating the wrongs of our parents creates a never-ending cycle of suffering."

"Listen, you. Shut your trap. I came to get a room with you…"

"I already said that I don't want to. Excuse me, but can I go now? I have urgent business elsewhere."

"I couldn't care less what you want or don't want, dimwit. Don't mess with me."

"I heard you just got out of jail. Is it true that you're a rapist?"

"Are you saying you're too good for me?"

"I don't want to deal with your kind of people. No offense, I'm merely afraid of you."

"But you're dealing with my little abomination of a brother. Do you believe he's a cute pink pony?"

"We have an agreement of mutual usage. It's fine with me…"

"Ha! You naïve moron, he'll throw you to the wolves, just like he did to me. Whose fault do you think it was that I got locked up?! You need me desperately and you don't even know it. Let's rule the Dollars together. Mind you, I could do that alone if I cracked your skull open, I'm just being nice for now because I like you."

"Izumii-san, I have an appointment elsewhere…"

Mikado stood up and immediately got a slap on his butt. He blushed a second time during that accursed meeting and looked around, checking how many people saw the embarrassing event happen. Simon shot him an incredulous glance again, but this time, taking in his fearful demeanor, he frowned and started walking towards them.

"What a supple butt." Ran Izumii praised. "Think fast, dude. I'm not waiting."

Mikado made a move to run out of Russia Sushi. Izumii caught him by his hand, and that was quite a strong grip. Mikado thought his arm would shatter. He broke a sweat.

"Don't harass. Don't bully." Simon said, approaching them, his voice laden with threat. "Eat sushi."

* * *

 

"What's going on between us, Mikado? Explain yourself."

They were at the abandoned building the Blue Squares resided in. Everyone else was chatting and walking around. Aoba backed Mikado into a corner to have a talk. He looked just a little bit sourer than usual, almost apprehensive, and he was examining Mikado's every facial expression, as if he was ready to take any small cue to figure out what Mikado was thinking.

Mikado didn't really want to explain anything. He has dumped Aoba, and that was that. No amount of talking would change what he decided, and he didn't want to give Aoba tools to manipulate him by explaining himself.

"Did you dislike my 'gift' in the park, was it too fast and vulgar?" Aoba asked. "That's the only thing I can think of."

"No, that's not it."

"Then what is the matter?"

Then again, Mikado thought, how can he possibly manipulate him now? He could as well be honest. The worst Aoba could do was pretend to have feelings for him. And Mikado would never believe that anyway, he wasn't completely delusional.

"I just don't think you can love anyone." He said. "And maybe neither can I."

"Why are we talking love?" Aoba asked, eyeing him intently. "We just started out, isn't that too early?"

"I don't see the purpose of dating without prospects."

The statement was such a big departure from his early plans to fool around with Aoba for the fun of it that Mikado could only shake his head at himself. He was so foolish. He didn't know himself well enough to predict that he would fail at a carefree relationship. For some reason he believed such a relationship would be easy for him, but real life proved otherwise.

"I don't like talking about vague abstract concepts." Aoba said, frowning. "But I can see there's no other way with you… So what made you think I can't love anyone?"

"Everything you do. You call people cattle… How can you like any of them?"

"I told you that there's an exception to my hate."

"And why does it exist? It doesn't make any sense."

"So here it is, the real reason." Aoba said. "You don't trust me. You didn't trust me when I said that."

"I trusted it a little at first, but your statement was pretty far-fetched. When a person despises the whole world, something extraordinary has to happen for him to make an exception. And nothing extraordinary ever happened between us."

"So you need proof."

Aoba looked thoughtful. Mikado walked away, leaving him to it, and turned to the other guys. He felt somewhat relieved after telling Aoba what was on his mind. It was a relief like the one a person experiences after confessing to a priest or talking about his problems to a psychotherapist. A relief from sharing.

That said, Mikado was now worried that Aoba would go back to his plan to take over the Dollars. And even execute the plan quickly – out of resentment. After all, he got dumped. Naturally, he wouldn't do it if they were still together, as that would lead to breakup, but now…


	12. Chapter 12

**SATURDAY, EVENING**

Aoba walked down the street, milling with the crowd. His relationship with Mikado got complicated. Instead of gaining influence over him, he was losing it in big heaps. Strangely, Aoba found that he loved that. Again, he failed to predict the other, and that was so interesting! He did somewhat expect Mikado to dislike his 'park gift' for its vulgar nature, but he was sure they'd smooth it out easily. What he did not expect, however, was that he'd suddenly start talking about love.

Love. What was in that word? It was an utterly fake concept, as far as Aoba was concerned. People used each other for their own gain and called that "love" to deceive each other about their real intentions. And some probably sincerely believed in the deceit. In Aoba's opinion, people were so dumb that they didn't even realize that "love" was merely a massive overhyped illusion.

Or was it? Aoba couldn't deny there was something akin to a strong affection in his life. Maybe an obsession would be a more accurate word.

There were two directions he could take this in. He could pretend he was in love, finding proof or whatever Mikado felt he needed, or he could be honest and speak his mind about what he thought of "love". The latter option was likely to lose him even more influence with Mikado. And the first one… While there was a chance he'd gain a lot of influence, at the point in his thoughts Aoba had to ask himself for the first time, why he even still wanted to have more influence over Mikado in the first place…

He gave him a run of Blue Squares and loved it. Initially he planned to overthrow him, but Mikado's contradictory nature and recklessness proved to be so interesting that he kept laying those plans aside. For a time being, he told himself. But time passed, and his initial plans always remained still.

Aoba saw something incredibly real and vibrant in Mikado's contradictory nature. It was both evil and kind, wrong and right, and that felt genuine to him. It was a full spectrum of human emotion rather than a façade that people usually put on, acting like robots in the same fashion at all times. Mikado's nature didn't feel artificial. He was all over the spectrum, his intentions and desires so chaotic that he was confused about them himself. It was fascinating.

There were lots of lies Mikado told himself, Aoba believed, just like any other human being. That was unavoidable. But he respected him for staying true to himself. It was an odd concept for Aoba to be true to anything, after all, for all he knew he had no personality of his own at all to stay true to. He'd seen others trying to stay true to themselves and he didn't like the way they did it, for their selves were so robotic and artificial that staying true to that way of functioning felt like stupidity to him. But Mikado's way was spontaneous and open-minded, he was dancing across the whole spectrum of human potentialities. He could stab him and say sorry in a heartbeat, without even consciously realizing how one action contradicts another. It was almost close to Enlightenment because the truth was, Aoba believed, that the two actions didn't actually contradict. People merely chose to think that actions of different nature were a contradiction, a flaw, a mistake. But true human nature was just like that, when it was free and unhindered. Chaotic and all-inclusive. People chose to limit themselves artificially, reign in their behavior, words, and even inner thoughts, just to think of themselves as "logical". But no, true human nature wasn't logically ordered; it was chaos. It was insane.

Aoba found that he appreciated Mikado like one would appreciate a piece of art in the museum. A masterpiece. Was it love? He believed that "love" was too trite a word to describe his feelings. For him, Mikado was the only genuine, alive human being in the whole world.

As far as he was concerned, Aoba realize he was seeking companionship. Pleasant, satisfying companinship. Even someone like him still had such desires, no matter how much he despised everyone else. It was only natural that he latched onto Mikado as potential companionship, given everything he felt for him and thought about him. Aoba could admit that he wished Mikado's company, no, not that, he was absolutely greedy for it.

Even his physical attraction was greedy. He'd love to merge their bodies, becoming a part of his world that way, a part of the world he liked. Sex was one of the easiest ways people could merge. It was a way to possess another human being and all there was to them.

So to go back to the initial question, why did he want more influence over Mikado, again? It wasn't for the Dollars or his plans anymore, it wasn't for the power games. Reluctantly, Aoba admitted that he sought some kind of response from Mikado, a response to his own obsession.

And that was something he didn't like at all. Needing an emotional response from someone else and not getting it led to misery. Aoba felt dejected and sorrowful already. He didn't want his moods to depend on someone's responses to himself. It was a road to emotional slavery. He resented it.

Perhaps Mikado was somewhat right when he said that his past defined his present and formed his personality. But only to an extent. Aoba hated being fragile and beaten by his brother, but he despised complaining more, so he never did. In this world everyone was dogfood, but that was simply how the world worked, complaining about the way reality worked would be pathetic. He didn't complain even when his brother grew confused and decided to test his sexuality with the most accessible male body: his own. He merely set his room on fire after that. He didn't complain when his brother decided he wanted more, but realizing that forceful penetration could leave prints, started forcing him to use his mouth. He merely waited for an opportunity to take revenge and made sure he'd get locked up in jail. But from then on Aoba detested being helpless, it was true slavery. He was going to forever resent everything that reminded him of that. Every scrap of his own obsessive desire for anyone, every hint of anticipating a response. Emotional slavery was no better than physical.

Taking a step out of the crowd, he looked around and walked into a random shop. He was sick of people, and it was less crowdy in the shop. So much walking around and thinking, but his mind still didn't clear up, he only felt more confused. So he wanted a response from Mikado and he resented wanting it. At times like this Aoba hated how contradictory human nature was. It would indeed be so much easier for him if he was like a robot with a clear, perfectly complimentary set of desires.

An SMS signal from his cellphone drew his attention. With his heart beating faster, he glanced at it and his face fell: it was merely from Kururi. What was she even thinking, forcing herself on him like this? He couldn't care less if she had a crush on him, it was an illusion she was crushing on, anyway. She didn't know about his real chameleon-like nature, she was just stupidly charmed by a farce he was putting on at school. Sure, he could use her for a while and then get rid of her, but right now he was too fixated on Mikado. And apparently Mikado occupied a huge space in his mind, as there was no space left for anyone else.

* * *

"I am not the best expert to consult about romantic matters." Celty typed into her PDA. "And more importantly, I'm never going to help you with that boy. He's trouble."

She and Mikado shared a sofa. He belatedly came to Celty's and Shinra's place after being invited a few days in a row. Apparently, Celty didn't want to talk to him in the chat and preferred to talk face to face. Which was good. After what Izaya Orihara pulled, Mikado didn't want him to read any more of his private messages. Ever.

At first Mikado didn't plan to have "the talk" with Celty anyway, but now he had a new reason to be here.

"I can't believe you rejected Anri for him." Celty continued typing. "You and Anri have always been together. What were you thinking?"

Mikado felt very guilty and embarrassed. Apparently, his private life wasn't a secret to Celty, either. Then again, he could understand why. Celty and Anri were getting very friendly recently, and it must've been Anri who informed her about everything.

"I wasn't for Aoba-kun." He said. "But Celty-san, please forget him, I wanted to talk to you about someone else."

"You're shaking, Mikado-kun." Celty typed, wildly gesticulating. "What's going on?"

"Izaya-san sicced a dangerous guy on me." Mikado said. "He recently got out of jail and connections to the mafia. I thought I was off the hook, until he started calling me again half an hour ago, making threats."

His cellphone rang. Mikado jumped, checked it out and sat down, looking quite miserable.

"There he goes again." He said sheepishly. "You think Aoba-kun is trouble, but he's a... cute pink pony in comparison to his brother."

"What did Izaya sic a criminal on you for?!" Celty typed and stood up, as if ready to go and strangle the culprit.

"His motive is the least of my worries now." Mikado smiled artificially. "Celty-san, can I stay with you for tonight? I feel unsafe going home. Izaya-san knows my home address, and he could easily sell it to him upon request."

Celty took off her helmet in one swipe and black smoke erupted violently from her neck. She was furious.

* * *

That evening Mikado spent on the balcony of their apartment, he didn't want to interrupt two love birds chirping inside. Izumii-san called once more and he didn't pick up. Mikado could only wonder if he was that intent on raping him or that intent on controlling the Dollars together with him or that intent on caving in his skull. Either way, his desires spelled a lot of trouble for him.

What surprised Mikado was his own reaction to Izumii-san's words. He advertised himself by saying that the whole gang war was merely a bunch of whiny kids fighting, while he was a real tough guy with mafia connections. Mikado couldn't shake off the feeling that it was all too true. What they did within the Dollars was like throwing sand at each other in a sandbox, after all. And the Blue Squares were just some teenagers grouping together, calling themselves a gang, and thinking that it makes them badass. They weren't real criminals, they were simple delinquents. Not that Mikado wanted to become a leader of criminals, but being a leader of delinquents didn't sound right to him, either. He wanted the Dollars to be important and recognized, rather than lowly trash, that's all he knew.

Unbeknownst to himself, Ran Izumii played a pivotal role in Mikado's future. By saying only a few words, he planted inside Mikado the seed of the path the Dollars would end up taking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What Ran Izumii did to Aoba isn't strictly canon, but is almost fanon. Firstly, he's a rapist, and secondly, his relationship with Aoba is described in a shady way. To be specific, there is a sentence about how he used to beat him frequently, until one day he suddenly "went too far", and Aoba set his room on fire. However, there was not a single scratch on Aoba that day, so there's a gruesome version about what he did to him. A lot of people I talked to thought that way.


	13. Chapter 13

**SUNDAY**

Come morning, Mikado thanked Celty and Shinra for shelter and ran off. During the breakfast he thought intently and decided to come clean about everything that happened between him and Izumii-san to the Blue Squares. Especially about his threats. Otherwise they might be in danger, too.

At their usual place at the usual time, he found everyone already gathered. Some of them were chatting, and Aoba was leaning on the wall, a bag at his feet. Mikado tried to avoid looking at him directly. He didn't even dare to read a morning SMS from him for fear of reading something cruel like "I never liked you anyway, fool" as his final reaction to being dumped. He'd go crazy thinking that it was true.

Mikado asked for everyone's attention, and after all eyes were on him, he told them about his meeting with Ran Izumii. He did hide a few things, like Izumii-san's "flirting". He didn't want to feel embarrassed describing it to the guys.

They were now speaking lively and loudly. Everyone remembered Ran Izumii. Everyone agreed he was a danger to them. They started shouting and arguing.

"Calm down, drama queens." Aoba said, still leaning on the wall. "Even if he comes here with the intent to take us over and through us take over the Dollars, he can't handle all of us at once. He's just one man."

Everyone reacted emotionally, cursing and discussing how to have more chances in a fight with just one man. Mikado went upstairs where his laptop was to check on the Dollars site. Aoba picked up his bag and followed. They were alone.

"How did my brother get your number?" Aoba asked suspiciously.

Mikado didn't think it made sense to hide that information.

"Izaya-san."

"Ah. That trash is always looking to add fuel to the fire."

Mikado seated himself in a chair in front of his laptop, and Aoba stopped beside him. He plopped his bag on the floor, unzipped it and produced a huge package. Putting it on the table next to the notebook, he looked at Mikado meaningfully.

"You said that you needed proof." He reminded. "Look inside. I couldn't possibly do that in a day, you know."

Aoba turned his back on him and went downstairs, leaving Mikado completely alone and puzzled on the second floor.

Curiously, Mikado opened the package. It was full of paper sheets. The first one had Mikado's face on display. He stared at it in stunned stupor. It was very true to life and colored, and Mikado suspected quite a bit of time went into drawing and coloring it. Gingerly, he laid it aside only to discover another paper sheet with himself drawn on it. This time it was a full-height drawing. Colored. He put that one aside to find more…

There were way too many of them. The package was huger than it looked at first glance. He counted more than a hundred of detailed pictures. As little as he knew about art, they couldn't be drawn in one day for sure. Maybe not even in one month.

Slowly, he started putting them back together. Aoba had to be his… admirer for quite a while to draw all of them.

He didn't know what to make of it. What kind of force drove Aoba to do that? Was it physical or even aesthetic attraction? In his mind, it wasn't exactly equal to 'love', but Mikado wasn't sure that Aoba was trying to make a point about love in particular. He said it was too early, after all, so he probably meant for this to convince Mikado that their short romance meant something more for him than a romp. Indeed, the amount of pictures and the detail in them was extremely impressive. Even if it didn't spell out the feeling that led to them being drawn, it served to highlight its sheer intensity. To put so much time and effort one had to be totally fixated.

Mikado had no choice but to admit that Aoba was indeed obsessed with him. And even though their game started out as game of influence, it was now clear as daylight that there were other reasons for Aoba to engage in it. Before Mikado started feeling guilty for dumping him, he had to remind himself why he did it in the first place. Back then he decided that he didn't want to engage in any relationship founded on fake feelings, any relationship, even the one with Anri. He had to make sure the feelings were real. Most importantly, that his own were real.

The sound of footsteps reached Mikado's ears. He hastily put the rest of the drawings back into the package. If a random member of the Blue Squares saw Mikado with so many pictures of himself, it would be hard to explain that he was not actually a megalomaniac narcissist. But just as soon as he put the pictures back, he realized the footsteps were surely Aoba's.

"Did you look inside?" Aoba asked after climbing the stairs in a few seconds.

"Yes."

Aoba quickly took the package, stuffed it into the bag and left without a word.

* * *

After Mikado left the building that night, Aoba tried to follow but was pushed back with an "I need to think things over" excuse. Mikado was such a slowpoke if he still needed to think things over! That said, right now Aoba wasn't sure if he wanted to be together with him anymore. He wanted it and he hated wanting it, so it was probably for the best if Mikado wasn't convinced with the pictures.

He hung out with his cattle herd for a while longer and they trained fighting a little to be ready to kick his brother's butt. If Ran was so intent on having the Dollars for himself, he'd pop up eventually.

The cellphone rang, and Aoba was surprised to see the caller name. Speak of the devil.

"You little pathetic dyed-haired gay." Ran's voice was dripping with malice. "You can't even imagine what's gonna happen tonight. Hahaha!"

"Are you going to cheaply attack us in our sleep, brother?"

Ran snickered confidently, which Aoba didn't like at all. From the sound of it, he definitely planned something vile and was sure it was going to work out.

"Simple beating has always been too easy on a shit like you, right?" Ran said. "Say, you remember that information broker who's been wearing a totally uncool furcoat for years? Haha, he told me that you and Mikado Ryuugamine are an item these days."

Aoba paled. How did that hyena Izaya ever learnt of this?! Impossible… Ah, those dumb Orihara sisters! They must've told him, asking for advice, what a pair of bitches! Aoba felt genuinely scared. If Ran learnt that he had a weak spot for Mikado…

"How strange and irrational." Aoba said, trying to keep his voice calm. "I heard that you offered Mikado-senpai to run the Dollars with him. And now you're making threats to us?"

"Bah, I thought he'd fall for that. I'm not a punk like you, I'm a serious criminal, and a shrimp like him should be into a man like me. But the dumb idiot ran away like a coward, and I'm out of patience. It's not like I was going to actually run the Dollars together with him anyway, but it would've pleased me if he came to my trap willingly, you know? Hell yeah. You understand what I'm going to do to your fragile boyfriend, right?"

Aoba understood all too well. There was something that was a lot worse than a beating that Ran would enjoy doing to a dude. He experienced it himself.

"You don't have him yet." Aoba said, hoping that it was actually true. "And I don't care as much as you naively imagine. Really, I thought you knew me better than that, brother. I'm not the kind of guy to cry over a toy."

"Naturally, I wouldn't expect you to feel broken-hearted!" Ran barked angrily. "But even a toy owner dislikes his property handled by someone else! And I might break the toy enough to render it useless to you in the process."

While listening, Aoba edged his way to the other sharks and pulled a cellphone from Neko's pocket. He dialed Mikado's number.

"You're overestimating the toy's importance to me, Ran. Is that plan the best you could think of?"

"I'll call you again once everything's ready. Then you can enjoy listening to the music of your boyfriend's pleas and screams. Haha!"

The phonecall ended. Neko's phone was connecting to Mikado's line, but no one was picking up.

* * *

Mikado felt strange tied to the chair by the girl. He knew he was weak, but that weak and cowardly? The girl with long black hair threatened him with knives and a scythe, then stuffed him into a car for a ride, and he didn't know how he ended up all tied up in an unfamiliar small house from there. He hated himself for having no guts.

"Do I know you?" He asked gingerly.

The reason he asked that was because she obviously knew his name and kept whispering it quietly and savoring it, like an insane stalker.

"I'm Haruna Niekawa, if you must know." She said irritably, towering above him and smiling with a crazy expression in her eyes. "Nice to finally meet you, "my love". I always wondered who that bitch Anri liked, and now I see she has a disgusting taste. You? Eww. But don't you mind me, I get carried away. I'll kill you soon, hopefully, if I have to."

She dialed a number on her phone and addressed none other than Anri. Mikado realized he was some kind of hostage. He could scream and be heard on the end of the line but he didn't want to freak Anri out. And screaming for help from the outside was futile, as they were in some abandoned house at the edge of town.

"She'll come!" Niekawa-san was delighted. "What a fool I was when I agreed to capture you for Ran. This is so much better."

So that's what it was all about. This girl captured him for Ran Izumii. Mikado shuddered. But then she changed her mind and called Anri? Now, that made no sense at all.

* * *

The Blue Squares van was moving at top speed. Aoba just got a message from an unknown source with an address. He thought it was likely to be a trap, but he didn't care. That was their only lead.

The abandoned house they finally located was just a small hovel, which made things easier. Voices could be heard on another end of the door. Aoba smashed the door open to register Mikado tied up to a chair, Ran Izumii and two girls, one of whom was, surprisingly, Anri Sonohara.

"What are you doing, you mentally disturbed idiot?" Ran Izumii hollered. "I told you to capture him, not to call another crazy blade here!"

They turned around when they heard Aoba and the others enter the house. All of them looked shocked to see them. From that reaction Aoba drew a conclusion that none of them sent him the address. But then who did?

"I'll deal with four-eyes first." Ran said and raised his hammer. "You deal with these punks."

The girl in the long dress didn't move. She just smiled condescendingly. That one definitely had spirit and was not taking orders. If Aoba could like people, he'd probably like her. As it was, though, her defiance would merely be useful to him.

No big fight ensued, however. Sonohara jumped out of the way of Ran's hammer and cut his arm with a katana that she had on her for some reason. Immediately Ran stepped away, as if dazed, put his hammer down and sat on the floor, humming a tune to himself dreamily. Aoba felt confused.

At that moment Mikado screamed, and he turned in his direction only to see the other girl cut him with a knife.

"Now he's mine." The girl said, smiling. "How do you like it?"

"I'm yours, Mother." Mikado suddenly agreed with a serene expression on his face and a vacant stare. "Anri Sonohara is a lame, sad excuse for a human being. No, she isn't human at all."

While Sonohara was gaping at them looking hurt and angry, Aoba wasn't wasting time. He picked up a piece of wood lying on the floor and hit the girl in the dress on the back of her head. She plopped down with a bang. She was likely to suffer injuries from such a fall, but Aoba didn't care.

"What's going on?" Mikado asked in a puzzled voice, as if he just woke up.

And that's how Aoba knew that he was right. The girl in the dress had temporarily held some kind of hypnotic power over him, before he knocked her out. Just like Sonohara seemingly had over Ran now.

"Sonohara, you've got a lot of explaining to do." Aoba said darkly.

* * *

They decided to head back to the Blue Squares "head-quarters", taking the girl in the dress with them and leaving Ran behind. Aoba was the last to leave the house. Ran was still sitting still on the floor, and he hit him full-force with his own hammer on one leg before leaving. About ten or fifteen times. Ran didn't even react to the sound of cracking bones. He was going to have a lot of trouble causing Mikado any grief with his leg broken. It occurred to Aoba that what he did was poetic justice for Saki Mikajima (1), even though he didn't care for neither justice nor Mikajima at all. Yet it was an amusing coincidence.

When they were half-way back driving in the van, Aoba told Sonohara that it was time to remove her hypnosis from Ran. He smiled, picturing his brother's panic and misery at finding his leg broken. That picture was worth a million.

In the headquarters, Sonohara looked strange sitting on a stack of boxes among the sharks. Some boys were looking at her with obvious admiration that boys had towards girls. Aoba rolled his eyes, he had no idea what they saw in a girl like her, and her hypnotic powers were dangerous to them, even though useful. But Sonohara was obviously delighted, she tried to hide it but she was very pleased with the attention.

"That's it." She finally said, after a long speech. "Now I've told you everything."

Mikado was looking solemn.

"So that's the secret you wanted to share with me and Masaomi?"

She nodded.

"There must be a way to remove this hypnosis from senpai." Aoba insisted. "Other than you putting yours over him..."

Sonohara thought for a moment.

"There probably is." She said in a hopeful voice. "If Saika is removed from Haruna-san, then theoretically Mikado will be free of her influence… I know someone who can remove Saika, but I'm not sure she can do it by force, without Haruna-san's agreement."

"Is this thing really is a demon…" Aoba said thoughtfully. "Then it can be exorcised, right? Unless it's a biological virus, which is a lotmore believable."

"These things are too powerful and scary." Mikado suddenly claimed. "They should all be eliminated."

Sonohara flinched. Aoba smirked. What Mikado said made sense. Such powers, and with their unlimited infection range, were way too dangerous to be allowed to exist. But by this time Sonohara probably identified so much with her powers that she didn't see any significance to herself without them. After all, she'd have to admit she was just an ordinary boring girl with thirst for power and attention if she was left without them. Aoba sent her a derisive glance. Sonohara noticed and put her eyes down, looking quiet pitiful.

"Eliminating all Saikas will be a new mission for the Blue Squares!" Mikado announced, oblivious to their wordless exchange. "And Niekawa-san… I remember her father coming here looking for her. We need to call him back and inform him she's here, the poor man must be missing her dearly."

Aoba sighed. Again, Mikado was going off on a tangent, worrying about a random father's feelings. But that was what Aoba loved about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't know or forgot, Ran Izumii was the one who broke Saki's leg. Aoba recalls it in this chapter after he gets an opportunity to hurt Ran physically for the first time ever, that's why he ends up comparing it to poetic justice.


	14. Chapter 14

**SUNDAY, NIGHT**

That night they decided to stay at Sonohara's, thanks to Aoba's reasoning and despite the initial resistance that she put up to that idea. After Haruna Niekawa was picked up by her happy father, Sonohara suggested that she should cut Mikado immediately to avoid any further chance of Niekawa controlling him. Aoba disagreed and offered her to stay nearby as a last resort in case she had to cut him.

That's how the three of them found themselves at her apartment. Mikado couldn't go back to his, for Ran Izumii would most likely send someone over to deal with him, and Aoba joined their company to make sure that Sonohara wouldn't get to seducing Mikado while he wasn't looking. Besides, this way he could always get to it himself.

Before settling down to sleep, Sonohara called someone and set up a meeting. She said that person was technically capable of taking away the virus.

Then Sonohara went into another room to sleep. Mikado lay himself on the sofa, Aoba took a futon and put it on the floor near the door. Ten minutes passed, and he crawled from his futon all the way to the sofa slowly across the room. Mikado was facing the sofa's back and Aoba couldn't see if his eyes were closed. No breathing could be heard from Mikado, either, he breathed that quietly.

"I'm not sleeping, Aoba-kun." Mikado whispered suddenly, startling him. "And I can perfectly hear you crawling around in the dark... Stop it, it's creepy."

Aoba suppressed laughter, he didn't want to make noise that could wake up Sonohara. He obediently stopped crawling around and sat on the edge of the sofa instead. He leaned over Mikado, putting one hand over his trousers.

"Aoba-kun!" Mikado stiffened. "Stop the harassment immediately… We're in a girl's apartment… You have no conscience..."

"Does that means you don't actually mind?" Aoba whispered back, starting to make massaging movements. "If it was somewhere else, you'd be all for it?"

Mikado was silent. Eloquently silent, Aoba would say. Although Mikado probably didn't fully realize how eloquent that silence was, otherwise he'd try to voice an objection.

"I'm ready to have a discussion with you about everything." Mikado whispered. "But it's no time and place for that. Tomorrow."

Aoba wasn't going to give up that easily. They could have a discussion tomorrow, but as far as he was concerned, they could do something very interesting right now. He quickened the massaging pace and applied more force to it.

"Didn't you hear what I said?" Mikado whispered, somewhat panicky this time. "Discussion first! It's Anri's apartment, so…"

"Then why aren't you pushing me away? I'd say you enjoy it, senpai. But if you don't want to…"

Aoba pulled his hand away slyly, only to have Mikado grab at it and put it back where it was.

"Don't stop! Why am I so weak-willed…" Mikado whispered in comical misery over his own actions.

Aoba laughed a bit louder than he wanted and hoped no one except them heard the sound.

"You could at least grace me with your front." Aoba whispered. "Isn't it rude to lie with your back at me?"

Mikado turned to lie on his back, facing Aoba. It was too dark to see the expression in his eyes, but still light enough to make out most of his features. Aoba leaned over him to plant a passionate kiss on his lips.

A floorboard creaked, and both of them stared in the direction of Sonohara's room. A few silent seconds passed, and then the door opened. Sonohara's silhouette appeared in the doorway.

"It's late and it's dead silent everywhere." She explained, half-embarrassed and half-angry. "I can hear you whispering and… whatever else you're doing. Kuronuma-kun, get out! It's my apartment, not a brothel."

"Are you implying senpai is a whore?"

"Get out!"

It was a rare sight to see Sonohara angry. Aoba found it amusing. There must be a lot of jealousy in her to produce such a strong anger. Mikado attempted to stand up and say something, but Aoba pushed him back, apologized in a voice full of fake remorse, and promised he'd leave after he grabs his bag from the kitchen.

* * *

About twenty minutes passed before Sonohara finally entered the kitchen. Inside Aoba was sitting on a chair, drumming with his fingers on the table cloth, bored out of his mind.

"Why are you still here, Kuronuma-kun?"

"I was waiting for you to come." Aoba admitted. "Is he asleep?"

Sonohara nodded and sat down, too. Aoba flicked on a small lamp on the kitchen table to see her better. To be fair, he was a bit worried. After Mikado learned about Sonohara's viral power, he could decide she was more interesting than him. He did claim he wanted to destroy all "saikas", true, but that didn't mean he wouldn't feel entranced by one anyway.

"Sonohara-san, you and senpai have no chemistry." Aoba shared truthfully. "You're similar only superficially, but that's enough for chemistry to fail. Just imagine your first date. In a park, walking together in silence. In a café, eating in silence. At home, sitting apart in silence. Eternity would pass before anyone made the first move, and then another eternity before the second and third and fourth and so on. You'd both be stuck in a loop of waiting on each other every time."

"Kuronuma-kun, I gave up on Mikado, so…"

"And it would be harder on you than on him. After all, you do have a very low opinion of yourself. I noticed how pleased you were to see the boys pay a lot of attention to you today. I'd call it "pleasantly surprised", as if you could barely believe it... And you could barely believe it, right? You think no one else would pay attention to you, only Mikado was friendly, and that's why you latched onto Mikado…"

Sonohara's face showed a few emotions in a row. Surprise, embarrassment, anger, dejection.

"You'd be stuck thinking that Mikado's slow pace is proof that he doesn't care enough for you. You'd be incapable of believing someone who doesn't openly emote at you. You'd think that his silence means he finds you boring, his temperance that he finds you ugly… Yeah sure, you know he likes you in a way, but we both know that liking someone can be a very superficial thing. Once you needed proof that he likes you genuinely, you'd probably be unable to see it. Mikado-senpai will never emote at you and will only act first by forcing himself to do that against his nature. Could you imagine yourself comfortable like that? Or would you find it to be a torture that slowly eats at your sense of self-worth?"

Sonohara was still looking surprised more than anything. Apparently she expected Aoba to launch a speech about anything, but not about her own hardships in an imaginary relationship with Mikado. Aoba liked the way she looked at him. He could tell that she was on the verge of agreeing.

"I heard that you were friends with Kida-senpai, too. Now that's the type who'd shower you with raw emotion. And he'd be fast paced and energetic."

"Masaomi is only a friend…"

"I merely used him as an example. Although I heard he ran back to his girlfriend out of guilt and nothing else, and that he has later abandoned her once again to come here... The way is open, so to speak. But he is just an example."

"You talk like you care for me, but I know it's a lie." Sonohara said. "You even behave differently at school... It's almost impossible to believe you're the same person. Why are you acting and fooling everyone? And now you run a gang with Mikado, why did you involve him in dangerous matters?"

"He runs a gang, not me." Aoba shrugged. "And I won't listen to any criticism from a virus carrier..."

At those words Sonohara looked hurt, and Aoba realized he'd just witnessed her weak spot.

"That's interesting." He commented. "So you hate it when others judge your virus negatively, because it gives you a feeling of power, doesn't it? That's why you looked so horrified when senpai said that he wants to eliminate all carriers. You don't want to let go of yours. Without it, you're less than nothing, right? So if someone says your virus is a bad thing, while you think that's the only worthy thing about you, you feel like you really are completely pathetic."

"You're… crossing the line of civility, Kuronuma-kun."

"But I'm not trying to be rude. Sorry! What I mean to say is that your low self-esteem tells you that you're pathetic without your power. But it's not like it's true. And it's not like it's your fault that you think so. And the way you compensate for bad self-esteem by carrying this power inside and dreaming of male attention… it's not your fault, either. All these emotions, ugly as they may be, are so human. And human nature is ugly."

"No, it's not."

"You disagree? Then I can see why you're so miserable and have such a low sense of self-worth. You put yourself up to impossible standards. You believe in stuff like purity and love and you can see they don't exist within you. But instead of admitting that they don't exist in others, either, you start believing that you're the only one who isn't capable of that. And you feel bad."

"This is a twisted way of thinking. Of course love and purity exist."

Aoba took notice how she traded the words around. He said purity and love. She said love and purity. He took note long ago how people always put the most important of the two words first automatically. He was going to use this newfound knowledge to drive the most important point back home.

"They exist." He agreed. "But not in the way you think. We don't live in a fairy-tale, there's no absolute ideal love that you're searching for. Why not figure out for yourself what it is, instead of imagining that if you can't love absolutely, then you can't love at all? And maybe contact Kida-senpai in the process for help..."

* * *

Mikado was eavesdropping behind the door. He felt guilty, but originally he had noble motives. When he noticed that the two ended up together in the kitchen for longer than normal, he decided to check on them and protect Anri from Aoba's verbal onslaught.

However, Aoba was more polite than Mikado expected. Of course, he knew it was all an act. Aoba thought of people as cattle to manipulate, and it was obvious he wanted to manipulate her. But when Mikado heard the contents of his speeches and realized that Anri did not really object to his words, he decided that maybe he shouldn't budge in, after all. Who was he to rush into the kitchen and say it wasn't true or anything else stupid?

Even if Aoba didn't mean what he said, it still could be true. His lying words about absolute love rang pretty true to Mikado. Maybe such a thing did not exist, but that didn't mean no love existed at all.

But Masaomi, seriously? Mikado shook his head at such a shameless attempt at matchmaking.

The kitchen door opened suddenly and Mikado was discovered standing behind it.

"Hey guys, I couldn't fall asleep, and I came to ask something." He improvised on the spot. "Aoba-kun, show me the number that sent you the message with the address that Niekawa-san dragged me to."

Aoba pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and showed him. Mikado stared at it incredulously. He went back for his own cellphone, found some number in the list and compared them.

"My eyes must be deceiving me." He said. "It's Izaya-san's... I always knew he was a good person…"

"No, he's not!" Anri interjected.

"He put you in the bind in the first place!" Aoba reminded.

But Mikado was smiling, oblivious to all criticisms. So Izaya-san wanted to assist him, after all. It was his personal matchmaking plan to endanger Mikado only to have Aoba come and save him. Too bad it went awry and Aoba had to share the spotlight with Anri, but surely that wasn't his fault. Unpredictable things happen.


	15. Chapter 15

**MONDAY**

During the last class of the day, Aoba did not attend his actual lesson, but found himself in an empty classroom with someone else. He knew that he was vengeful and he indulged himself in it. All the people who'd done him wrong should be punished severely. They had that in common with Mikado, except the latter cared more about the abstract wrongs while Aoba was all for punishing people who wronged him personally. Right now, one such person was in front of him.

"So that's… How it is…"

Kururi was fidgeting nearby, standing close to the wall. She and Mairu were dumb enough to let Izaya know about him and Mikado being an item which almost led to Mikado being subjected to a fate a bit worse than death at Ran's hands. The swine are going to pay for this.

Aoba had a sincere, although utterly fake talk with Kururi. However, it was sincere and touching in her eyes. He confessed that his feelings were very confused and that he liked her a bit more than Mikado. Then, he confessed another embarrassing thing with a little blush: that he couldn't let go of Mikado because Mikado provided him with sex and he was addicted like a crazed idiot. He lamented his fate as a male human being of hypersexual age and how there was no way he could get away from Mikado at this point, even though he really wanted to get away from that slavery and felt ashamed for being so pathetic and dependent.

"Curious…" Kururi said.

It took Aoba all his strength not to smirk. He predicted that the Orihara sisters, as progressive and crazy as they were, would be curious about sex. There was no better revenge than doing it with Kururi for the first time in her life then dumping her right afterwards.

"You really are… curious, Kururi? That's amazing! That could save me from Mikado-senpai. Why don't we try it?"

When his phone rang, Aoba had already taken off Kururi's panties, put up her skirt, and had her lying on the study desk, ready to go. The only reason he answered the call was because he didn't want his phone to ring inside of a classroom that supposed to be empty. Someone passing by could hear and peek inside.

"Aoba-kun, we need to talk. Come to the school gates."

The sound of that voice was enough for Aoba to lose all desire to have sex with Kururi. Mikado was so much better. What was he even thinking trying to do it with her? He wanted his proper first time to be with him. Revenge could wait.

* * *

Mikado was in an IT class, and having done everything the teacher wanted quickly, was now conversing in the Dollars chatroom.

"Kanra-san, how do you make a demon exorcism work? I want to purchase that information from you."

"What an extraordinary request." Izaya-san didn't even pretend to speak like Kanra in private chat. "I've never tried an exorcism and I'm not a big believer in all things supernatural. It's strange how such things have just been popping up lately, but I believe there are limits and laws even for the supernatural. Do you have an object for me to try the exorcism on?"

It was always amusing to Mikado how Izaya-san talked so openly about his own beliefs. For someone who was keeping all information about himself off limits, he let on a bit too much in Mikado's opinion, possibly without even realizing it. At times, he wondered what the reason for that was.

"I do have an object to try it on. A subject, actually. But I don't think you should perform the exorcism, Kanra-san. As entertaining as it would be to watch you wave your hands in the air and make creepy faces, I want you to find someone who can do it properly."

"Do you realize that most, if not all, monks are frauds?"

"That's why I need Kanra-san to find the real thing. And there's something more to it. I want to know exactly where the exorcised entity goes. Does it move to "the other world", or can it merely jump into another human being nearby and go on existing in this world? That bit of information is just as crucial as the exorcism itself. If the entity remains in this world, then I'd like to know if there's a way to lock it into something on purpose."

Mikado knew that Izaya-san had a very good idea about what he was going to exorcise by now, but that was fine by him. They shared a common enemy. Izaya-san usually charged exorbitant fees for information, Mikado knew, but he didn't say anything about price at all. Either Izaya-san wanted this work so much that he didn't care, or he doubted that he could provide any relevant information this time. The request was exotic, indeed.

Mikado excused himself from the chat, pulled out his cellphone and dialed Aoba. Anri insisted on going to her meeting with the Saika-removal lady alone, and he decided to trust her on that for once. After everything that happened, he realized that Anri was a lot more mature than he assumed, and he wanted to pay her respect by treating her as such. This was the perfect time for him and Aoba to have their conversation.

* * *

Walking from the school gates, Aoba and Mikado ended up at the Headless Rider's place. Her cohabitant Shinra wasn't a big fan of Aoba and shot him a murderous glance. The Rider herself wasn't happy to see him at all, but the choice of place was dictated by sheer necessity. Were he to go wild from Haruna Niekawa's control, Mikado could be easily stopped by someone like the Headless Rider. After all, it was most likely she could not be controlled.

The underground doctor cooed over the headless rider in one room, and Aoba was left in peace in another one with Mikado. Aoba found himself a bit anxious. He didn't actually think about his conversation with Mikado in detail and didn't quite plan how it should begin. Would Mikado bring up the embarrassing and just plain stupid topic of love? He braced himself and remained silent, letting Mikado take the lead for once.

"So…" Mikado said, putting two cups of coffee in front of them on the table. "I saw those pictures, and I have to say I was convinced by them to give this… thing… another go. I suppose you now imagine that the problem is solved. But with you, nothing can be as simple as that."

"Why not, Mikado-senpai?!" said Aoba cheerfully, all smiles. "Please enlighten me, I'm all ears!"

"For starters, change the channel… I've had enough of this school persona. Be closer to your real self."

"I have no real self, senpai."

"That's what you so naïvely think. Whatever, Aoba-kun, I'm waiting."

Mikado could come on pretty strongly when he needed to. Aoba liked that. He decided to comply and let go of his school persona, settling into the Blue Squares one. Apparently, that was the one that Mikado preferred. And if he did, why shouldn't Aoba indulge him? He was merely adapting to the circumstances and to Mikado.

"I'm like a chameleon," Aoba said, with a slightly sarcastic smile and a voice a few shades darker. "I change color based on the wishes of those around me."

"I don't want you to wear a certain color for me, I want you to be more honest and open… With someone like you, any kind of relationship can't work otherwise. Otherwise, it would be based on full-blown lies. An everlasting lying game…"

"Everyone lies pretty much all the time, senpai."

"I don't."

"You do. You think that you want to create a nice place for your friends to live in, but what you really want is for the Dollars to rise to fame. You don't care at all for your friends, which is, on a side note, more than fine with me…"

"What are you babbling about?"

"You're in denial, senpai... This always happens when your desires and ideas of yourself contradict too much. You have to pretend you don't know about some of them to keep a consistent view of yourself. But it's fine. Unlike yourself, I can see you for what you are, a pristinely clear whole picture, and I even happen to like it. If I'm like a chameleon, then you're like a chimera."

"I suppose I should hear you out if you're speaking honestly," Mikado said gingerly. "What's a chimera?"

"An ancient Greek monster that consists of incompatible parts. The head of a lion, the body of a goat, and the tail of a snake."

Mikado was taken aback for a moment. Then he thought about it and smiled serenely. It looked like he agreed. Aoba was proud of him for that. He wasn't as lacking in insight as other cattle he knew, and he wasn't even objecting to Aoba's words. Still, Aoba decided not to prod Mikado further, out of fear of disturbing places he didn't want to go to just yet.

"As you can see, you're playing the lying game yourself," Aoba said. "It's not just me. The only difference is that I can see you clearly, in all your chimera glory."

"Then it's unfair, Aoba-kun. I should see you clearly, too. Show yourself."

"Where's this 'self' I need to show you? I keep telling you it doesn't exist."

"It should. Otherwise you wouldn't be normal, Aoba-kun."

"Then maybe I'm crazy, but it really doesn't exist. I'm being honest here."

"That's a start, I suppose. I don't want a relationship based on anything else than honesty and trust."

Aoba suppressed a sigh. Mikado was so damn serious about this. Then again, he could understand his frustration. He had no problem seeing Mikado's character as a whole, and he suspected it was less than nice for Mikado to feel confused about his.

"I don't know how to help you there, Mikado-senpai." Aoba said. "I really don't have any 'self'. I've been searching for it long enough to know that it doesn't exist."

"Are you enlightened or something?" Mikado shot him a skeptical glance. "'I have no self' is something only a Buddhist monk would say. I suspect you just can't find what you're looking for. So let's find it together."

"How?"

"Technically speaking, a self would be a habitual pattern that is present across all your personas. For example, if you still think of people as cattle no matter which way you're "changing colors", then it's a part of your real self."

"So my real self is a misanthropic chameleon. Alright. Is that enough? Have we found my 'self' now?"

"No. We need to populate that picture with details."

Aoba groaned. Mikado was so stubborn in his disbelief about him not having a self. To Aoba, these attempts at arriving at some self-entity looked like a fool's errand. That said, he was definitely surprised by Mikado. He expected him to talk about love. Instead, he talked about trust and complicated psychological matters.

"There's no way to populate this picture with details," Aoba said. "There are no details to speak of."

"Actually, there is a way." Mikado smiled encouragingly. "Confess your dirty deeds and schemes to me."

"Come again?"

"Confess your recent sins. Colors may be different, but deeds remain the same across all your color changes. And your sins are among the deeds you'd want to hide in order to avoid disrupting the nice colors, right? I want you to disrupt your nice colors for me."

"And then you won't like me anymore? Thanks for the offer, but no thanks, senpai."

Mikado jumped onto his feet and looked down at him.

"So I was right," he said forcefully. "You're still pretending, you're afraid of showing your true colors to me. I won't have that. Confess or else we have nothing more to talk about, Aoba-kun."


	16. Chapter 16

**MONDAY, DAYTIME**

Mikado knew he had Aoba cornered. He'd have to confess to something. Aoba sat in the armchair looking quite resigned and apprehensive. Apparently, he didn't like the idea of telling Mikado what he was about to tell him.

"On Thurdsay..." he began. "Do you remember how you were beaten up by two goons in the street? It was me. I hired them to do it."

Mikado dropped his cup of coffee. It broke into pieces on the floor, creating tremendous noise across the apartment. Celty rushed into the room. The coffee was all over the floor.

"Sorry, Rider-san!" Aoba made a cute face at her, undergoing a rapid personality change. "Just tell me where the mop is, I'll clean it all up!"

"I'll compensate you for the cup, Celty-san," Mikado interjected and felt for his wallet. "This was so clumsy of me."

Celty waved him away and helped clean the cup up. When she was gone with the cup pieces and the rug, Mikado shot a very dark glance at Aoba.

"I know, I know." Aoba made a remorseful face. "That was horrible of me. I wanted to pop up and save the day, but it didn't work out the way I had planned."

"I still have bruises all over my body."

"Sorry."

"Sorry isn't going to cut it."

Mikado felt betrayed. Not only did he take a severe beating from those guys, he was fooled by Aoba like an idiot too. He didn't know which was worse.

"What do you want me to do to earn your forgiveness?"

Mikado produced a hidden cup piece out of his pocket. He hid it while Celty wasn't looking. It had a very sharp edge.

"You've got to be kidding, senpai." A certain amount of fear flickered through Aoba's eyes. "Surely we can make up without you hurting me…"

"Like you didn't hurt me?"

"Eh… I suppose it's fair. But I still don't like it. What about a different kind of punishment? You could… I don't know… top?"

Mikado was shocked for a moment.

"That's no punishment," he finally said, after a big pause. "You'd enjoy every moment of it."

"I doubt it," Aoba muttered.

Mikado thought that he just heard something quite significant. Was Aoba really so against being topped, or was there something else to it? Mikado had a feeling there was a lot more to it, from the bitter undertone in his voice.

But before he could press him further for the details, Aoba changed his mind.

"Then again, better use the cup piece on me. I think I'd prefer it."

Aoba put his hand out, this time a different hand than the one that got stabbed before. Mikado winced. Did he think that he was going to stab him again? In all honestly, Mikado didn't know what he wanted to do. He just felt angry. Did he look enough like a damsel in distress for the creation of a "saving plan" like this? Then again, Mikado couldn't deny that he let Izaya-san get away with a similar plan. The only real difference was that Mikado didn't get roughed up during Izaya's plan, although he very well could have if Anri and Aoba were a little later and Ran was able to have his way with him. The details were different, but essentially, the two plans were the same.

At this realization, the urge to do justice left Mikado. He couldn't possibly allow himself to treat two people with the same idea so differently. And then again, there was the matter of Aoba reacting so strangely to the idea of having sex a certain way and preferring getting stabbed to it. It made Mikado imagine gruesome things. He could put two and two together.

"Say, Aoba-kun," he said, putting the cup piece back into his pocket. "Did Izumii-san ever do anything to you apart from beating?"

"Time for next confession!" Aoba said a bit too hurriedly, totally ignoring the question. "Now you're definitely going to hate me. It's about the Orihara sisters."

Mikado still felt sorry about what he had guessed. There was no hate he could possibly muster.

"Today, I seduced Kururi and nearly had her virginity taken when you called. I was going to laugh at her and dump her right afterwards."

Suddenly, Mikado realized he was mistaken about not being capable of mustering any more hate. What Aoba just said was plain disgusting.

"You'd better have a very convincing reason for this…"

"Oh, but you know, the twins were the ones who told that bastard Izaya about us. So if it weren't for them, Ran wouldn't have come looking for you. My plan was an act of retribution."

Mikado could only blink. It was him who informed Izaya about their situation, in a roundabout way, after all.

"You drew the wrong conclusions," he said quickly. "Those weren't the Orihara sisters. I talked to Celty online about you, forgetting that Izaya-san could read the private chat."

"He can read the private chat?" Aoba looked surprised. "X-Ray vision?"

"But that doesn't excuse your revenge. It's way too cruel to do that to a girl who likes you."

"Sorry I forgot to consult with you," Aoba mumbled unapologetically. "Now will you stab me?"

"No, but you're going to rectify the situation by talking honestly with Kururi-san so that she knows from now on that you've got no affection for her. You shouldn't lead her on anymore, and on top of that, whatever gave you the idea to cheat on me?"

"Cheat?" Aoba bent an eyebrow. "Newsflash, senpai: you dumped me! And now you act like I owe you something."

"So maybe I did, but trying to sleep with someone else right away doesn't give you much credit. Did I mean anything at all to you?"

Aoba smiled triumphantly. Mikado found himself hating that smile. Sure enough, he must've sounded pathetically jealous. It was only natural for Aoba to look happy.

"Call her," Mikado said, trying to distract himself from these thoughts.

"You're too direct with your plans… I have a better idea."

After discussing everything about Aoba's better idea, Mikado carried another pair of coffee cups to the table.

"I break shop windows at night and steal money from the cashier's desks," Aoba confessed all of a sudden. "What are you looking at me like that for, senpai? Who do you think pays for our van's petrol? None of the sharks work."

Mikado never really thought of that before.

"Thievery is bad, and you've worn out your welcome for today."

He took away Aoba's coffee cup and pointed at the door. When Aoba didn't react, he stood up, pushed him through the door, and to the exit of the apartment.

"Senpai, confessing is never going to work if you're being so judgmental," Aoba complained. "You're supposed to hear me out in a detached manner, like a priest."

"Who told you that?"

"You wanted me to show my other colors, right? How can I do that if you punish me for showing them?"

Aoba found himself at the other side of the door. Now a closed door.

"Great," he said. "Senpai, I'll sit here on the floor the whole day and night and I'll get hungry and thirsty and you'll be the one to blame for my torment."

"You can't even talk normally." Mikado's voice sounded from behind the door. "Blackmailing me and trying to pressure my sense of guilt even now… This is awful, Aoba-kun. Try to behave like a human being."

Aoba tried to guess what Mikado wanted from him. An apology, perhaps?

"I apologize," he said loudly to be heard on the other side of the door for sure. "Senpai, please don't push me out like that."

The door half-opened and Mikado peeked outside, looking irritated.

"What's the point of apologizing if you don't feel sorry?"

"To get on your good side," Aoba said truthfully. "And don't start going all judgmental on me again, I'm merely being honest, just as promised. If you can't tolerate seeing my less than nice colors, then I was right to hide them from you."

Mikado looked thoughtful for a moment, then opened the door and ushered him in.

"We're going to do something about your thieving activities," he said, sitting back in front of the coffee cups. "So what's next?"

"Before I say it, you do realize what Ran was going to do to you…?" Aoba asked. "It wasn't supposed to be a beating. Not exactly. He described it to me by phone. So… before we left, I broke his leg with a hammer."

Mikado looked at him and knew he was right about his theory from before. Izumii-san was known to be a rapist, but he mostly likely started with his little brother. Breaking someone's leg didn't sound like a fair retribution for a rape attempt that never occurred, but it sounded fair as retribution for something that did.

He found himself wondering. Some time ago he wouldn't think he'd ever be fine with someone's leg being broken with a hammer, no matter who it was. But now he was fine with it. He felt totally calm and even somewhat… satisfied. Something wrong was happening to Mikado, and he knew that to take so much joy in someone's misery was normally beyond him. He felt a little bit disgusted with himself when he discovered himself smiling at Aoba's words. It wasn't even about a fair retribution anymore. It was about finding Ran Izumii so fundamentally revolting that he felt happy to know he was in pain.

"You should've broken both of his legs," Mikado said.

He caught Aoba looking at him in a delighted way.

"Senpai, I like this side of you," he said. "It's so beautifully… cold."


	17. Chapter 17

**MONDAY, EVENING**

Surprisingly, Anri came back with Erika Karisawa who picked her up on her way back home. She said her negotiations with the Saika-removal lady were far from successful. Apparently, she couldn't take Saikas away by force after all.

"Mikado, do you have a minute?"

He and Anri went out onto the balcony while the rest were having dinner inside at Celty's. Poor Rider and Shinra-san surely had an abundance of uninvited guests lately.

"I know that with everything that's been going on you're worried if we really are still friends," Anri said. "We definitely are. I wanted to share that recent events have opened my eyes to many good things."

"I'm glad to hear that," Mikado said. "Which things?"

"It's complicated. Don't feel hurt, but I think Kuronuma-kun would understand better. He seems to be a good psychologist, although a bit on the rude and intrusive side. But you've been a big help, too. Can I share a few secrets with you, like friends?"

Mikado nodded, all attention. The first stars were appearing in the sky above their heads.

"For a long time, I've been depending on Saika to give me a sense of self-worth," Anri said slowly. It was obvious that what she was saying meant a lot to her. "But at the same time I thought she made me less human. That was such a contradiction. I can see now that the only way to stop it is to get rid of her and live independently on my own. Because that would be the real me. I should explore and get to know myself better. I was always running away from myself before. I thought I was worthless, and even convinced myself I can't have normal relationships, but now I realize I couldn't really know that because I never really knew myself at all."

Mikado felt proud of Anri. It was the first time she'd spoken so openly about herself.

"Thanks for sharing that," he said. "I appreciate it."

"And I don't mind about Kuronuma-kun," Anri added. "Although he's fishy and egotistical… But that's your own choice, and I trust you to figure him out for yourself eventually. I think that he was right, though. He told me that I've been holding on to you because I had no one else. So, in a way, it's good that everything failed for us. It would've been so fake and ultimately pointless. I want to find someone I could love instead. And as for you, I want to be good friends."

"I think it's me who's been a bad friend recently," Mikado said shyly. "Hopefully I can fix it."

Anri smiled, and Mikado smiled back. It was a simple moment, but the best moment they had shared for many months.

"I want you to cut me, Anri," Mikado suddenly said. "It won't do living under threat of being controlled by Niekawa-san, it drives me insane. Aoba-kun's paranoia about you be damned, you're my friend, and I trust you completely."

"I will never abuse this connection," Anri said. "And as I already said, I'll get rid of Saika, I promise."

He outstretched his hand and she punctured him lightly and carefully, almost like a gnat bite.

* * *

When they returned to the inside of the apartment, Aoba was telling everyone at the dinner table how he hooked Mikado up with the Blue Squares in vivid detail. Mikado didn't feel shocked or aghast at that as he had agreed about it with Aoba beforehand; they did have a purpose in mind for telling this tale to the general public. However, listeners were less than thrilled with Aoba's role in the story, especially when they realized he was the one who instigated the Dollars' conflict with the biker gang. He didn't seem to care, though, and he tactfully forgot to mention the pen incident to keep Mikado's reputation at least somewhat decent.

After a while, Erika Karisawa picked up her stuff and said she still needed to talk to some friends that evening. She left. Celty went over with a tray full of food back to Shinra's room where he lay with a broken arm. Mikado, Aoba, and Anri were left alone at the dinner table.

"I have something strange to tell you both," Mikado said. "At first, it was about a guy named Takashi. After Niekawa-san cut me, I kept thinking of him. It was almost like she infected me with infatuation. Now for some reason I keep thinking about Masaomi in the same way."

Anri blushed furiously.

"Argh! Stubborn witch, you gave him a cut while I wasn't looking!" Aoba gave Anri a look of utter disgust. "And you're as subtle as a herd of rushing hippopotamuses, senpai."

Only after the last comment did Mikado realize that he was being stupid. Apparently, Saika owners could transfer their feeelings. But then… Masaomi, really? He had no idea Anri liked him that much. He surely didn't care to like him that much himself or in such a way, though, and found himself looking forward to the full Saika termination with renewed gusto.

"So there's you and Niekawa-san and Takashi-san," Mikado said, trying to distract himself from feelings that weren't entirely his. "And then there's this other Saika lady you know of named Kujiragi-san. Is that all of you?"

"I think so. I'm ready to give Saika up, but it won't be easy reasoning with the others."

Aoba shot her a surprised glance. Her decision to give up Saika was news to him.

Mikado didn't worry much about reasoning with others. He had Izaya-san digging up information about exorcisms. And Izaya-san always came through.

"Kuronuma-kun, what do you think of Haruna?" Anri asked.

"I didn't see her long enough." He shrugged. "But she looked obsessed and unstable. I think she's trying to fill her own emptiness with something. Let's say at one point she was unhappy and miserable, then she met this Takashi guy and that was it. Could be anyone else in his place. It's easy for dependent emotional trash like her to fill her emptiness with strong obsession. She fixates on him and that blocks out all her thoughts about her own void. She feels falsely happy and whole."

"Maybe we should hire her a psychotherapist," Mikado said. "Although I doubt she would agree to get help."

"I wish I could talk some sense into her," Anri said.

She finally left, walking into Celty and Shinra's room on her way out to wave goodbye. Mikado and Aoba were the last uninvited people left in the apartment, and they didn't really have a place to go. The threat of Ran Izumii sending some guys over, especially with a broken leg and now seething with more rage than ever, was too palpable for either of them to go home.

"Will your mother be okay?" Mikado asked.

"Sure. If anyone comes, they'll be looking for me, not her. So how did you like our confession session today?"

"It was interesting, although you've got so much to fix, Aoba-kun. I'm not even sure why I bother with you… It will sound strange, but I think some part of me likes your darkness. A bigger part of me despises it, but some other small part is drawn to it. But more importantly, did your sense of self get any more real now?"

"There's no 'self' no matter how hard you're looking for it. But the whole thing worked out well as a bonding experience. I didn't think I'd say it, but it made me feel good."

"Oh, an enlightened one without a self!" Mikado shook his head mockingly. "Teach me some Zen."

He felt for his wallet, took out an impressive roll of money and put it on Aoba's lap.

"That much for a Zen lesson, or are you buying my body for a week?" Aoba raised his eyebrows. "I'm eager to do it for free, you know…"

"I can't have you stealing from shops, so this is my official donation to the Blue Squares as a leader. Use it for the petrol from now on."

"You're no fun. You sure you don't want me to personally 'compensate' for such a donation?"

"Wrong place again, Aoba-kun. Celty-san's apartment."

"So what's the problem? Let's use this money to go to some hotel…"

Mikado was silent for a moment, thinking it over. Aoba moved closer eagerly: he didn't really expect Mikado to give it serious thought, and now he had his hopes raised.

"Senpai, you know you owe me something, right?" he prodded hopefully. "I made you a nice gift a while ago, and you still haven't repaid me for it."

Mikado eyed him coldly in response. Aoba wasn't sure what he did or said wrong this time. Why was Mikado being so unpredictable lately anyway? The moment they started getting closer, he started to have more and more trouble predicting his behavior. According to common sense, things should've worked out the opposite way, and yet with Mikado, getting to know him meant you could predict him less.

Aoba thought that perhaps the problem was not with Mikado being unpredictable, but with himself opening up to Mikado. He hadn't opened up to people before, not even in a small way, so he didn't know what kind of reactions to expect from people after his confessions. Naturally they would have influenced Mikado's perception of him.

"Aoba-kun," Mikado said icily. "Drop the obvious manipulative tricks. If you did something for me, you did it because you wanted to, didn't you? Or did you do it just to blackmail me with it later by saying how unfair it was that you got nothing in return?"

That was exactly what Aoba did it for, as well as for destroying the possibility of a relationship between Mikado and Anri Sonohara. But Aoba had a feeling that admitting the truth would piss Mikado off, so he held his tongue.

"Sure, I enjoyed doing it." He lied without blinking an eyelid. "And what I said about getting something in return was a joke… a flirtatious kind of joke. You shouldn't be so serious about it."

"It's alright, Aoba-kun," Mikado said resignedly. "There's no need to lie to me about your reasons, I already know that you're self-centered and manipulative. But you can learn new ways of interacting. Believe it or not, there are other ways to get things that you want, apart from manipulation."

"Like what?"

Mikado moved closer and kissed him. A light, quick kiss for he was worried that Celty would choose that moment to walk into the room and see them. He doubted that she'd appreciate them making a 'brothel' out of her apartment any more than Anri did.

"Like this. You didn't deserve that in the least, but I still did it. I got what I wanted, and I didn't manipulate you into anything."

"You're so terribly wrong, Mikado-senpai, I don't even know whether to laugh or cry... Don't you realize what you're doing right now? You're trying to manipulate me into changing myself to suit your tastes better by using prospective romance and even your own sex appeal as bait. Now that's a devious manipulation if I've ever seen one."

Mikado felt confused, guilty, and angry.

"Just as I thought, you don't even realize you're doing it," Aoba continued. "But manipulating without the intent of manipulating is no better. You're doing it subconsciously, that's how human communication works. Everybody manipulates each other to get what they want. That's what the world is like, full of egoistic bastards using others to fulfill their own wishes. And I don't mind it. So go on trying to change me, and I'll try to humor you to get what I want in return."

Aoba fell silent and wondered if he'd said too much. After their confession session, he found himself on some kind of honesty streak, but he didn't think it was damaging this budding relationship much. After all, it was obvious now that his initial idea to play exceptionally nice with Mikado and sing him songs about 'love' wouldn't work. Mikado wouldn't believe any of it. In a way, Aoba became curious about what would come of their relationship if he was honest all the way through. It was refreshing to talk freely. If Mikado could still be attracted to him while he was honest, he suspected that he'd enjoy the hell out of it.

"That would mean that in this world only the one-sided usage or the mutual usage is possible," Mikado said. "Why, either the world works in a different way than I've believed all my life, or you're just hating on it, deluding your own self, and are trying to confuse me with your poisonous way of thinking. But I know one thing for certain: I don't use romance as bait, I simply don't want it as long as I can't enjoy it. And I can't enjoy it if I don't see some good in you."

"You think I'm not worthy of you? That you're too good for me?"

Mikado had an unpleasant déjà vu. Ran Izumii asked him the same thing when he tried to explain that he wanted nothing to do with him. With Izumii-san, he felt justified thinking like this. Yes, he was too good for him. Obviously. But with Aoba-kun? For some reason saying that he was too good for Aoba-kun sounded like he was a pompous fool.

"No, I'm not even sure that I'm a good person myself," Mikado said somewhat sadly. "I just want things to be different. Something is lacking, and it's not even about us, it's lacking in general, too, not only between us. I want to find it. Does that make sense?"

"No, but I think it's important," Aoba said seriously. "It's one of those desperate subconscious wishes knocking on the door of your consciousness, demanding to be heard. Say, Mikado-senpai, do you tend to feel unhappy?"

Mikado was puzzled. Unhappy? He didn't think of himself in terms of happy or unhappy. He was used to thinking of himself in terms of bored or excited. But come to think of it, bored and unhappy were essentially the same thing.

"I think so," Mikado replied. "I guess I'm unhappy because I'm bored. Hm, that sounded strange..."

"Then maybe excitement is just a tool for you," Aoba mused. "Something to block out feelings of misery, like obsessive love does for Haruna Niekawa. Then what is it that makes you miserable? What are you missing?"

"I'm not miserable! Just slightly bored. Now… now, did you do all your homework, Aoba-kun? Tomorrow is the last day of school before vacation, make sure you're prepared. Do you want me to help?"

Aoba smiled. Mikado was so hasty in changing the topic that it was obvious he guessed something right. Although Aoba believed thrill-seeking was Mikado's genuine character trait, even genuine character traits could be used in order to block out some kind of emptiness. However, he had no guess as to what Mikado's emptiness was about. But perhaps he could fill it with himself.


	18. Chapter 18

**TUESDAY, DAYTIME**

Sometime over the break, Mikado dialed Izaya-san's number on his cell. There was a big chance, almost a certainty that it was in vain. During the last few weeks, Izaya-san didn't pick up calls from Mikado. But what Mikado wanted to ask him couldn't wait.

Strangely, the call was picked up this time. Mikado was so surprised that he remained silent for a moment.

"Hello, Mikado-kun? Isn't it too early to call me about your extravagant request?"

Mikado didn't have much of a plan about how to ask what he wanted to ask, but he suspected that direct questioning would be a failure. He'd have to beat around the bush for a while.

"It's not about my request, Izaya-san. I wanted to ask you something about yourself."

"About my wonderful self, really? Mikado-kun, I don't sell information about myself. You should ask someone else. If they're good enough to find out what you want about me, that is. I'll have fun watching them try."

"Please don't be so defensive, it's nothing outrageous."

Mikado knew that Izaya-san enjoyed talking about himself, especially when he had a grateful audience and the subject was psychology. But he couldn't quite tell him that, otherwise he was sure he'd clam up just to spite him. He'd have to start with a different opening.

"I envy you sometimes, Izaya-san. You always look like you're having fun. I think we share that drive for excitement, but somehow you're better at fulfilling it than I am."

"But you're getting the hang of it, Mikado-kun! I've been watching your progress with intent attention and anticipation, and I believe you won't disappoint! The stage is yours."

Mikado wasn't sure he fully understood what Izaya-san was getting at. The stage? Whatever… That wasn't important right now.

"I suspected that you've been spying on me and stuff, but that's not what I'm interested in. Say, Izaya-san, how do you derive so much fun from merely observing someone else? Don't you feel the urge to get involved?"

"Don't you?"

"I asked first."

"And I asked second. Please reply before this conversation deteriorates into a childish argument, Mikado-kun."

"I need to feel involved. In fact, watching others do something without input from me feels lonely. Like I'm an outsider standing behind the glass wall, watching the world I cannot reach. Now it's your turn to reply."

"Oh my, you've grown, Mikado-kun! But you're surprising me a bit right now. The way you speak is so incongruous with the subject… How should I put it? You speak very lightly about serious matters."

Mikado felt strange, as if he was being praised. Perhaps he really was, he couldn't really tell what Izaya-san's words signified at times. But he felt somewhat pleased to be acknowledged. For reasons unclear to himself, Mikado always thought of Izaya-san as a kind of older brother or a wiser figure to look up to. He drew confidence from any little praise he'd given him.

"Let's talk about you, Izaya-san," Mikado pressed boldly. "Why is it so much fun for you to be an outsider?"

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Mikado-kun…" Izaya said somewhat slowly. "I have a feeling that you're searching for your own reply here. Why are you asking me about myself if the one you really want to know about is you? Now this is a wild guess, but are you contemplating going back to an ordinary life? Are you worried about feeling like an outsider again?"

Mikado winced. Izaya-san was too good. He almost guessed everything correctly in one go. Almost. So much for Mikado's stealthy line of questioning.

"No, I'm wishing for an even more extraordinary life," Mikado answered truthfully. "I'm getting bored with every new development too quickly. But right now I'm just trying to understand why I need excitement at all…"

"Isn't that a philosophical question? Why bother with it? That's your nature, so roll with it."

Mikado felt the most irresistible urge to follow Izaya-san's advice. What he said always felt so precise and right for some reason, like he understood him perfectly. Mikado didn't really want to question his own nature or motivation, after all, he wanted to finally let go and follow his desires. But he couldn't ignore the nagging doubt that Aoba helped him develop, either.

"Someone asked me about it and I feel puzzled. No matter how enjoyable it is to follow my desires, I still want to know what produces them. Enough about myself, Izaya-san. You still haven't answered my question: why do you feel excited observing people? No, wait a minute… A better question is: why do you feel miserable when you aren't observing people?"

"I can see what you're doing here, Mikado-kun. You believe we're very similar in some respects, so I could provide you with your own answers if I talked about myself."

Mikado did believe that, indeed. Mostly because Izaya-san was the only person he'd met who understood him. And Mikado suspected that happened because they were similar enough. Izaya-san was indeed similar to him in his never ending search for fun, only their ways of obtaining excitement were different. Mikado wasn't good at manipulating people (although Aoba almost made him doubt that yesterday) and had to rely heavily on the help of others to make any changes to the world. Sadly, right now the world he was making changes to was limited to the Dollars.

"I don't feel miserable when I'm not observing people," Izaya-san's voice said scornfully. "Just bored! What a strange implication that was, Mikado-kun. And since the one you're really talking about here is you, I take it you feel miserable when you're behind your glass wall?"

Mikado recognized his own words to Aoba in that denial. He told him the same thing: that he wasn't miserable, but bored. Yesterday, that sounded half-fake to him. There was definitely some element of genuine misery to being bored.

"Misery and boredom are close, if not the same thing," he said thoughtfully. "Which gives me an idea. I'll put the question differently: why do you feel bored unless you're watching people? Is your life and yourself that boring to you?"

"We're going in circles here, Mikado-kun, we already knew that your life is boring to you. But I suppose we didn't know that you found yourself boring until now. This is a new revelation, indeed."

"All of that is too superficial. What I want to know is why something is boring, not merely what it is that is boring. Is there something missing in your life, Izaya-san?"

"Excitement, obviously!"

"No, something else. Maybe excitement is just a tool to fill in the emptiness."

There was yet another bout of silence on the other end of the line.

"Dear Mikado-kun," Izaya-san said in a shockingly cheerful voice. "If you need me for psychotherapy, I'd be happy to charge you for it! Not that I ever thought of a career in that area, but I'd be willing to give it a try. Especially for you."

"No, thanks… Please continue with my exorcism request."

Mikado cancelled the phone call.

Once he heard the change in Izaya-san's voice, he knew he wouldn't tell him anything. It was a clearly defensive kind of change. Maybe he knew the answer but didn't care for Mikado to hear it. Or maybe he didn't know the answer and didn't like Mikado asking about something he didn't know. Maybe he was even genuinely anticipating a financial venture out of it, although that theory seemed the least plausible to Mikado.

* * *

Over the same break, Aoba cruised over to Kururi's desk and started chatting. It soon became apparent that he was chatting solo as she not only remained silent but looked in the other direction pointedly. He heard a few giggles behind his back. Apparently, some girls noticed that he was getting rejected. But that was good, that meant his plan worked out perfectly well.

In a minute, Mairu propelled herself into their classroom. She stopped upon seeing Aoba, frowned for a second and told him outright to never approach Kururi again.

"But what did I do?" He made an innocent face. "Did someone sully my name?"

"You… You…" Mairu was seething. "You're just like Iza-nii! Stay away from her, you lying hypocrite. We know the truth about you. Pitiful gangster. Scheming snake."

Aoba suppressed a content smile, trying to look innocent and puzzled for the sake of the audience. His plan worked out, after all. Karisawa must've called the twins to recount everything he was sharing yesterday at the Headless Rider's place during dinner. Savoring every little detail. It was only expected from Karisawa to want to warn the twins about Aoba out of the goodness (and yaoi-ness) of her heart. And as he was aware about the twins' dislike for their brother, it didn't surprise Aoba in the least that they felt disgusted with him after hearing about his Blue Square schemes. The openly manipulative behavior always looked the same, indeed. They were bound to see Izaya in him. That was his plan from the start: don't drop Kururi, make her think that she dropped him instead.

Although, looking at her now, he noticed that she wasn't all that confident. She looked hesitant, as if she wasn't sure that Mairu should tell him off like that. Aoba decided to give her another little nudge. He would have to hide it from Mikado later, though, Mikado would never appreciate the kind of nudge he had in mind.

"Ah, Karisawa-san must've talked to you," he said, making a naïve face for the sake of the audience, but talking out of range of their hearing. "What a shame. She took away one of our prospective girl candidates with great tits and ass. Too bad, these are a rare find. Didn't you say you were curious about sex, Kururi-san? We usually pick up curious girls and make them sleep with all of us, you know, after all, it's boring in an all-male gang without female company. Aren't you excited? I think a girl like you would want to try group sex."

Both Orihara sisters were now staring at him open-mouthed and visibly outraged. He kept a neutrally serious face, as if he was actually telling the truth and hoping for agreement. In all honesty, Aoba was pretty sure the sisters would actually want to try group sex. But he didn't think Kururi would want to, not at this point and not with him. She most definitely had a serious crush on him. To discover that the guy you're crushing on objectifies you and even wants to share you with others in his gang was pretty heart-breaking.

"You…" For the first time in her life, Mairu couldn't find words demeaning enough. "You liar, filthy trash, sex-obsessed… cocksucker!"

She took Kururi's arm and they ran out of the classroom.

* * *

 

Aoba didn't feel hurt by such insults. After all, absolutely all of them were true.

Mikado answered the call.

"I just got feebly insulted and lamely dumped by the Orihara swines," Aoba's voice reported. "Are you happy, Mikado-senpai?"

"I'd be happier if you spoke politely."

"You wanted me to be more honest, not more polite. You can't have it both ways, Mikado-senpai."

It dawned on Mikado that Aoba liked his newly established honesty with Mikado. Not only had he put up little resistance to the idea to start with, but he proceeded to be honest more often than not even after their confession session was over. Mikado never actually asked for it and that's how he knew that Aoba loved it. He was just a human being, after all, and human beings liked to be accepted for what they were. Aoba was no exception.

In a way, that made them closer, giving a sense of realness to their interactions. It felt like a glass wall dissipating between the two. However, Mikado kept wondering how he ended up so close to someone who could call a couple of perfectly normal girls 'swines' out of the blue. Usually, he despised people like that. He did dislike the Blue Squares at first, after all, he just didn't care whether the sharks were good or bad people as long as they did his 'good' bidding. The Blue Squares were like a hammer: you could break someone's leg with it or you could fix some furniture instead. It was easy to imagine them as a tool that was inherently neither bad nor good. But Aoba was no simple tool, he had a mind of his own and that mind seemed to hate the world.

There was something strangely alluring about that, Mikado realized. Perhaps, he was recognizing his own darkness in Aoba. Safely, at a distance. And maybe that's why he liked it: because it was so safely not his own.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some smut in this chapter. Avoid reading if you don't like it.

**TUESDAY, EVENING**

That evening, Erika Karisawa invited Anri, Mikado and Aoba over. Apparently, she'd already heard a lot from Anri about their situation, and she even suggested the boys stay over. Erika lived in a house rather than an apartment, and her parents were away, which made staying over a realistic offer.

They were sitting in her dining room and talking about Haruna Niekawa, of all people. Mikado was the one who brought her up, saying that helping her is a part of his plan and that she was sorely needed for the Dollars. They decided to visit Haruna Niekawa the next day.

"I didn't know you were so close to Karisawa-san," Mikado commented to Anri randomly while Erika was away. "You even told her about Ran Izumii and that we can't go back home now… Isn't that too much?"

Anri's eyes shone.

"Erika-san is my friend," she said with some pride. "I don't hide secrets from her."

"How cruel. Friendzoned." Aoba shook his head. "You have no conscience, Sonohara-senpai."

"What are you insinuating? Erika-san is not like that!" Anri objected.

"Excuse me, I was mistaken, the issue does not lie with lack of conscience. It's with lack of insight."

Anri looked indignant but a little surprised and confused, too, as if a part of her wondered if the implication could be true.

When it became dark outside, Anri left to go home, and Erika showed the boys to their rooms. There were enough rooms for both of them in the house, indeed, but Erika winked and smiled a bit too much to believe she expected nothing to happen. She was unsubtle enough to inform them that her sleep was extremely deep and that she couldn't be disturbed by noises easily.

Mikado was slightly creeped out. He walked into his room and checked it for cameras. Karisawa-san displayed so much fanaticism that he could imagine her watching or eavesdropping on what two boys could possibly be doing together at such a late hour. Aoba predictably followed him into his room rather than walk into his own, and Mikado told him to sit down and talk about serious subjects.

"Mikado-senpai, this is getting ridiculous," Aoba complained. "Oh, I know why you behave like this. You know you can have me whenever you want, so why not dictate your own terms, right? Make him wait, he'd be even more dependent this way, and then I can make him do whatever I want."

"You're usually smarter than projecting your own manipulative tricks on others... Sorry, Aoba-kun, but it's plain rude to do it in someone else's home. Karisawa-san's perverted hints only make such an idea sound sordid, but you've done it on your own for fifteen years, I'm sure you can wait a bit more before doing it with others."

Aoba frowned. Mikado suddenly felt a pang of guilt. He didn't regret the message, but he forgot that Aoba most likely had sex already, if one-sided rape could ever be considered sex. He probably wanted the normal kind of sex to wash away the painful memories.

"Are you made of iron?" Aoba demanded. "Are you even gay? Do you want me? Why do you behave like a shy girl… Oh wait, senpai, even girls are better than you. Kururi for one…"

"Don't remind me of that," Mikado said hastily, wincing. "I merely don't want to be rude to people who live in this house and sleep in this room, but you can consider this a punishment for your misdeeds."

"I knew I shouldn't have confessed to anything… Say, Mikado-senpai, would it be okay if I'm the only one who's rude to people living in this room?"

"No, but what are you implying?"

"I can't talk to you about serious topics now. I need a release."

"What?...Geez, go ahead, you don't need to ask me for permission. The bathroom is down the corridor..."

Aoba unzipped his pants and took out his thing. Mikado nearly dropped dead, both from shock and from suspecting they were being spied on. No cameras? Check. Keyhole? He dashed to the door and checked the keyhole. No one was outside. Mikado froze facing the door, his back turned on Aoba. He was afraid he'd start to get turned on if he watched him do anything.

"Aoba-kun, please stop being so shameless," he said, feeling utterly helpless. He didn't really believe his pleas would be heard. "Are you actually going to jerk off in front of me…?"

"Why 'going to'? I already am. One cruel senpai left me no choice, but at least now I have a living person in front of me instead of the pictures. Turn towards me, I want to see your face."

Mikado found himself torn between the desire to turn and the desire to run out of the door. He suspected he knew why Aoba went that far. He believed Mikado could control him through being unavailable, just as he said before. It made sense for him to shatter that control to pieces by seducing Mikado as quickly as possible. Today.

There was no way that Mikado could just turn around and watch him doing it without falling into that trap. He wasn't made of iron, after all. These thoughts flashed quickly through Mikado's head and he was left with a feeling of slight resentment. He didn't want to control Aoba, but he didn't want for Aoba to take control of him either, which would very likely happen if he turned around now. Aoba was almost begging for another pen...

"Mikado-senpai, you're such a coward," Aoba said with a sigh. "Running away from a healthy display of desire? How pathetic."

That felt like a harsh slap. Mikado even flinched a little. He knew he was weak, but he was always telling himself that at least his spirit was strong. Almost always. Frequently. Sometimes. Rarely. No, there was no way he was going to run away this time!

He turned to face Aoba boldly and noticed a content smile grace his lips. Not just content with pleasure, but content with an edge of darkness. Did he just walk into a verbal trap? Was he called weak and pathetic on purpose? But no matter how Mikado tried, he couldn't find it in him to feel angry at being verbally manipulated at the moment. He was too fascinated by what was in front of him. Aoba stopped moving his hand for a while so Mikado could get a better look at it.

Mikado took a few steps forward, unable to tear his eyes away. This was way too exciting. He felt his own body react. Mikado closed his eyes, trying to think of how inappropriate this place was and how shameless Aoba's behavior was. His brain refused to care. He opened his eyes but fixated them on Aoba's face instead, trying hard not to look downwards anymore. That was a mistake. Aoba was staring at him with a blissful expression on his face while doing it, and Mikado felt more turned on. He'd never been an object of someone's desire before. He'd never imagined anyone would please themselves while staring at him. Such a naked display of interest was thrilling beyond belief.

He took a couple more steps forward, sat down close to Aoba and, without much thinking, put his hand on his.

"You want to help?" Aoba asked and put his hand away. "That's even better…"

Mikado started moving his hand rapidly. He knew how to do it, he had done it countless times to himself, but this was different. A thought flashed in his mind; that he needed Aoba to help him do the same once he's done with him. And he needed to be done with him as fast as possible. He felt like he was going to burst from excitement by now.

As if he read his mind, Aoba put his hand on his trousers and clasped it around what he found. Mikado gasped. This wasn't good, this would only make him explode faster, but for some reason he found that he couldn't utter a single word.

A few minutes passed like that.

"I'm almost…finished," Aoba said, with a ragged breath. "The floor is going…to get dirty... if you don't prevent it from spilling. Dirtying the floor would be so rude... to the people living here..."

Aoba put his hand away from Mikado's trousers, and Mikado felt frustrated, craving more contact. The hand ended up on the back of his neck and nudged him down. After registering what Aoba wanted of him, Mikado didn't think twice. His mind was too overtaken by physical sensations and the sight in front of him to put a stop to it, and the floor wouldn't get dirty this way, indeed.

* * *

 "This was better than that time in the bathroom!" Aoba said happily.

"Of course it was better. For you."

Mikado felt incredibly embarrassed. He wanted to disappear from the face of the Earth and never come back. Previously, his body couldn't wait and released itself while he was still busy pleasing Aoba. Now, the inside of his underwear was wet and sticky. Naturally, he didn't have a spare, he was not at home, after all, but at least the floor didn't get dirty, he thought sarcastically. That was one problem he took care of.

"Don't worry, this only happens once in a lifetime," Aoba consoled him, "and isn't it awesome that you were so thrilled by me you couldn't hold back?"

Mikado didn't think that was awesome at all. Physically, he felt blissful, but his mind wanted to blank out and forever forget what happened just now. He rose unsteadily onto his feet and left the room, walking to the bathroom down the corridor.

One of the doors opened on the side of the corridor, and Erika's face peeked out.

"How's it going?" she asked with a wink.

Mikado stumbled from shock. She wasn't sleeping yet, and she was so forward! From what kind of manga pit did she crawl out of? He could never understand girls who were yaoi fans. He'd never ever understand them, not in a million years. He tried to watch lesbians once, but he felt bored. He was too much into guys to find videos without at least one of the partners being a guy interesting, but why did people like Erika enjoy seeing two boys together?

"I just need to go to the bathroom…" he explained.

"Me, too!"

The door opened behind him, and Aoba walked out. Erika's eyes shone. It was Mikado's room he walked out of, after all. Once again, Mikado wished to suddenly disappear from the Earth. If he could, he'd be happily abducted by aliens. His and Aoba's behavior was so incriminating it was begging to be interpreted incorrectly… or rather, correctly, but Erika wouldn't know.

"Don't mind us, Karisawa-san!" Aoba said brightly and waved his hand to her. "He just needs to clean up after our passionate session, and I want to watch!"

Erika nearly fainted from a bout of happiness. Mikado nearly cried. Unable to watch the crazy girl anymore and cursing Aoba for playing along with her insane "hobby", Mikado made it quickly to the bathroom, locked the door behind him and tried to pretend that he didn't exist.

That wasn't easy. Aoba kept knocking on the door, but he didn't respond. He needed to take care of himself and his underwear first. In a few minutes full of trying to get rid of a certain substance, he felt a little better. He looked into the mirror and felt surprised that he looked so normal. The serenely calm expression in his eyes was such a stark mismatch to how he felt. He reached into the hidden corners of his psyche and realized that another part of him savored the whole ordeal, even the embarrassing bits. They made it all the more spicy and memorable.

A chimera, indeed.


End file.
